00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 82, "Courage and Fear." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. Hello, my friends, so glad to be with you today. Hope that you are having an amazing start to your new year and that all things are going really really terrific for you. A couple of reminders. One, if you've not signed up for my "weekend win" emails yet, go on my website, tanyahale.com, and you scroll down to the bottom of the very front page and there's a "weekend win" option where you can just sign up for that. It's an email I just send out every Friday morning, and it's meant to be read in one minute or less.It's just really quick, a super quick life coaching concept that can help you and hopefully give you something to think about and see how that can work and help you live a better life. 

01:08 

So that being said, the other piece is that this week was New Year's so I'm recording that this week, so I'm a few weeks out. But I sat down to do my end of year review and, by the way, you can get one of those on my website tanyahale.com until the end of January and then that pop-up will be going away. So if you want one get on and do that. But this is always such an insightful experience for me because it starts off me going through my planner for the last year and identifying experiences and accomplishments from this past year. I usually start by writing down everything I can remember off the top of my head and then I go through my planner week by week to see what things I've forgotten. And I'm always surprised by what great things happened that I have completely forgotten about. So to have a whole page filled with amazing things for my past year is just a cool experience in and of itself, just to remember things of great accomplishments and experiences that I had. 

02:05 

But then the review asks a lot of questions and they really helped me to reflect on things that mattered most to me. What I loved, what I didn't love about the previous year, things like that. It took me only about an hour to do the whole process, but when I got done how I had engaged with 2019 was very clear to me. And I'll tell you what, I liked what I saw. I accomplished so much that I'm so proud of. 79 issues of this podcast, for one, from March to the end of December. And my desire to really start to build my business more and serve more people was stronger this year than ever before. 

02:41 

And one of the last questions on the review is deciding what my one-word theme for the upcoming year will be. And after engaging with all the previous questions it was very clear to me and I was able to identify without much thinking at all. And my word for 2020 is "courage." And so this year I'm going to be stepping into the unknown in so many ways. I've never run a business before and I've only worked for a few businesses before so understanding the ins and outs of how they work is not something that I'm really familiar with. I've never had a marketing class but I'm jumping into this year to social media marketing and figuring out what works and what doesn't work. I'm learning how to engage with potential clients to help them see the amazing benefits of coaching without wanting to be salesy, right? I'm such a believer in coaching 100% and I see the impact it has on my life and the impact it has on other lives and I want other people to experience that as well, but I don't want to be salesy. So I need to learn how to do this. 

03:42 

This year I want to get enough one-on-one clients that I can step out of the classroom and I can start coaching full-time. At that point I would be able to offer a lot more free classes and opportunities that way as well. And so what do all of these things have in common? They have in common courage and fear. And the correlation between these two is quite fascinating and it's been the topic of our exercise conversations for the last few weeks. They work together a little bit like yin and yang. I know that I've talked a lot on here about how important it is that our motivation for our lives needs to be love and not fear, but I want to talk today about another aspect of fear that can be positive. 

04:26 

One concept my friend Jackie introduced me to this year is the idea that everything has a light and a dark side. I'll do a podcast on this at some point but for now the basic idea is that everything has two sides: a side that motivates with positivity or god-like qualities and a side that motivates with negativity or un-god-like qualities. A quick and easy example of this would be pride. Many of us, because of President Ezra Taft Benson's amazing talk on pride in general conference of April 1989, we are quick to see the dark side of pride. We recognize the judgmentalism and the comparison that can pit people against one another and even pit us against God. But there is also a light side to pride. The idea that we are aware of the greatness within us, or the greatness we contribute, all while recognizing God as the giver of these amazing things. And we do it all without comparing ourselves to others for the good or the bad. 

05:27 

A positive aspect of pride can also be a level of self-respect we have for ourselves and for the work that we do. I feel that I can say that I'm very proud of this podcast, for what it is teaching me, for the amazing content I'm able to share with you, and for the lives that I'm able to impact for the better by doing this. And I don't feel this pride holds me back or comes from the dark side at all. I feel it pushes me forward into wanting to continue to create more podcasts and courses and coaching that will eventually change thousands of lives. And doing this doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else. It just makes me me, doing what I feel God is compelling me to do. So there's a quick example of the light and the dark side of pride. 

06:13 

So now I wanna start sharing with you the light and dark side of fear so that we can explore how it can impact our lives for the better or for the worse, depending on whether we're approaching it from the light or the dark. Fear is one of those emotions that we generally associate with the dark side. First of all, the feelings associated with fear are uncomfortable. Usually we would term them as negative. These emotions can often cause us to want to shut down, to run away or to start buffering. But where does this negative side of fear come from? If fear is a feeling or an emotion, where do those originate? Heading back to the thought model, we see that fear is something that comes entirely from our thoughts. What we choose to think creates this fear and what we choose to think creates either light or dark fear. 

07:05 

So let's take a closer look at this. First of all, our primitive brain is programmed to avoid pain. Its job is to use past experiences as a standard of how to keep a state safe and in a place of pleasure. So when it encounters a new situation, one it's not familiar with, it interprets it as a scary place and puts forth thoughts that will lead to the dark side. Thoughts like, "I don't know how to do that, so I'll probably fail." But remember, this is just our primitive brain reminding us that we haven't encountered this situation before. And the good news is that our primitive brain can be overridden by our prefrontal cortex. But it takes more effort. and energy than our primitive brain because where it follows a neural pathway that is already well established, our prefrontal cortex is trying to create a new pathway and that requires conscious effort and energy. So if we're trying something new, remember that our first thoughts will always be those of fear, thoughts that we don't know what we're doing, thoughts that will probably fail, those will be the dark side of fear. 

08:15 

But if we're seeking to be consciously aware, our prefrontal cortex can notice these automatic primitive brain thought processes and we can override them, but we have to be paying attention or they will be put into play unconsciously. Now I can promise you when you first really start paying attention to this, you're not even gonna notice a lot of these fear thoughts until you see your actions, or even your results. It takes a lot of awareness because thoughts like this for most of us have been a part of our lives from the time that we were tiny. And so they just happen before we're even aware of them. So learning to be aware is a huge first step here, okay. But it's going to happen so unconsciously that we're really going to have to pay attention to get to the point that we are aware of it, okay. 

09:11 

But remember that fear also has a light side. Fear is just an emotional response to our primitive brain saying we don't know how to do something. Fear actually plays an important part in our lives. Not only does it keep us safe but it is also the pathway to our greatest growth. It is a signal that we are encountering something that could bring us growth. So when we feel fear it's also an opportunity to go "oh wait, I have a choice." So in relation to building my business I heard a phrase last week that has really intrigued me and I keep going back to it. "Follow the fear because going through the fear is the pathway to get to the best version of ourselves." When I am feeling fear, and if I choose to use my prefrontal cortex to determine if it's a legitimate fear to keep me safe or if it's not a legitimate fear that is holding me back, I can choose to determine that. A  legitimate fear would be standing too close to the edge of a cliff on a very windy day, right? A not legitimate fear would be thinking that I don't know how to do something and I may look stupid. 

10:24 

So as I step into this year of seemingly hundreds of things that I will need to do that I don't yet know how to do to build my business, my brain will constantly be telling me that it's something to be afraid of. It will be uncomfortable to do my first Facebook Live because I haven't done one before and I don't know all the ins and outs of how to do it. When I do my first webinar, same thing, my primitive brain will freak out and put me in fear because I haven't learned how to do a webinar yet. But my thoughts, if I'm aware of them, about fear, will drive my feelings and my actions. Generally, when I'm not aware of my thoughts, the fear will take over and it will shut me down. When I'm choosing to be aware of my thoughts, when I train myself to do that, I will be able to recognize that the fear is only there because the situation is new and uncomfortable. 

11:19 

Generally, there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's just my primitive brain has interpreted it as being fearful. But there's really nothing to be afraid of in doing a Facebook Live. There's nothing for me to really be afraid of in doing a webinar. It's just that my brain makes it feel like fear because it says, "whoa, we don't know how to do this," right? So, if I can bring my awareness to the front of the line, acknowledge my fear, then I can choose to have intentional thoughts about it. 

11:50 

For example, once I notice my brain throwing out thoughts like "I don't know how to do it," and I start to feel fear from that thought, I can interrupt that thought model and think a different thought, like "fear is just part of the process of growth," or how about "follow the fear because that's where the success lies." And these are the thoughts that will begin to create courage. And here's an amazing thing about courage: it doesn't come when I avoid my feelings of fear. It comes when I acknowledge them and choose to act anyway. When I choose to think a new thought that will take me where I want to go. Courage will come when my "why" is bigger and stronger than my primitive brains attempts to protect me from things I really don't need protecting from. I don't need protecting from a webinar. I just don't. But my brain thinks I do. My primitive brain thinks I do because it's scary and it's new. 

12:51 

So here's another fun piece to this puzzle. A lot of us think that if we are just confident enough, we will have the courage to work through whatever fears are intimidating us. But here's the thing about confidence that's really quite intriguing: confidence grows when we have experiences that create evidence, evidence for our primitive brain to draw from. And these experiences are all in our past. These are the things our primitive brain draws from to put these thoughts in our head. And how can we have confidence in our goal or a process we've never done before? We really can't. Our primitive brain only knows that we've been scared before when we faced things we've never done so it puts forth thoughts that create fear. 

13:42 

So here's an amazing thought: when we don't feel confident doing something new, that is completely normal. It's 100% normal to feel fear and discomfort and uncertainty when we're doing something new because since we haven't done it, our primitive brain has nothing to go back to and draw from and say, "oh, we can be confident doing this because we know we'll succeed," okay? Courage comes in when we choose to think a different thought that creates feelings of courage. And we act anyway because that is totally an option, acting even when we feel fear. And that, my friends, is the definition of courage...not that we never feel fear, but that we act even when we're feeling fear. Courage is when we show up and do something despite all of the thoughts, and I'll say even the lies, that our primitive brain is putting out there. Courage is being aware that growth comes when we're doing things we've never done before. Courage is choosing to act even when it feels so uncomfortable. Courage is having no idea if it's gonna work out, not knowing if we'll be successful, not having confidence in our ability to step out of the other side and taking the steps anyway. 

15:07 

And here's one thing I love about this process: when I summon my courage and act in the face of fear, when I come out the other side, whether it is successful or not, I have created more confidence. I have started to teach my primitive brain that just because I haven't done it before doesn't mean it will be a dangerous experience. My primitive brain will start to rewire its thoughts the more I act with courage despite the fears I'm experiencing. It will start to learn that new experiences are not necessarily life-threatening. And over time, some of the chatter in my brain will start to quiet down. Now, does this mean I'll never feel fear again? Absolutely not, because fear is genetic. It's something inherent in each one of us that is meant to protect us from real danger. But the more aware I become of my thoughts surrounding fear, the easier it will be to override those thoughts of fear with thoughts of courage. 

16:05 

So as I look forward to 2020, I'm doing so knowing that with all of the new things I will need to be doing to start growing my business into one that can support me and my family, I will be feeling fear. I will sometimes be overcome with thoughts that will tell me to stop, to turn around, and to run like crazy. Thoughts that will tell me it's not worth it, that people will think I'm ridiculous, that I'm not qualified to do this job. But if I know they're coming, I can be prepared. I can be more aware so that when those fearful thoughts come into my brain, my prefrontal cortex can step up and take a courage stance. I can know that the discomfort and the fear are part of the process. I can know that my lack of confidence isn't because I'm not capable, it's just because my primitive brain doesn't already know for sure I can do it. 

17:01 

So what about you? As you look forward to growing and progressing this year, what things will you be doing that you already know are going to scare you? What difference will it make for you going into that process anticipating those fearful thoughts and feelings? What courageous thoughts can you come up with in advance so that when the fears surface you can counteract with courage? If you know that the fears are going to come, you can anticipate them and then you can work to counteract them with thoughts of courage. 

17:36 

So many of my growth goals are having to do with building my business, my life coaching business. Yours are probably in a very different area than mine. Yours may be work or business related, but they may be home or family or friend or whatever else, right? But that's exactly how it should be. We are completely different people creating completely different lives, but our brains are going through similar processes. If you are growing, you are feeling fear. And if you're feeling fear, you have choices. You have choices of what to think about that fear, right? And I can interrupt that thought model by creating a new thought that will help me to feel courage instead of fear that will cause me to shut down. 

18:20 

Understanding the natural processes of our primitive brain and using our prefrontal cortex to counteract those natural processes is such a brilliant pace to be. As we step into our awareness and really start to watch our primitive brain do its thing, we will be amazed to see how it tries to hold us back, all in the name of protecting us, right? But we can also be amazed when we see how our prefrontal cortex can work despite the thoughts of our primitive brain to help us move forward into the better version of ourselves that we want to be. Follow the fear and you'll end up in courage. Gosh, I love growing up, don't you? I love learning these things that are making it easier for me to get where I wanna go and do what I wanna do, okay? 

19:10 

Let's talk about coaching for a second. Coaching is such an amazing process. Every time I work with a coach, I leave the situation just amazed at what I learned about myself and the place that it puts me in to know how to grow forward. And I would love for you to have an experience like that. So I would love to offer you a free coaching session. Go on my website, tanyahale.com, and go under the coaching tab and you can get in contact with me and we will set up a time for a free coaching session. I want you to experience this for yourself. It is brilliant. It is such an amazing process, okay? So let's go ahead and do that, and let's get some coaching done at the beginning of this year and help you see some things that will help you to move forward, okay? 

20:01 

Alright, thanks for listening to this podcast. I love doing this for you. I love creating this content and sharing this information with you. If you feel that it's adding value to your life, please share it with someone. This is how I can get this message of emotional and mental health out there, where we can start to impact the lives of other people. So please share it with people. Leave me a review, and if you will go on and subscribe if you haven't, that would be fabulous. And my friends, that's gonna do it for me today. Wish you all the best as you continue to move forward at the beginning of this new year in seeing and growing and accomplishing what you want to. And again, remember that fear? Have it come from the light side, okay? Create something. Realize that fear does have positive positive things to it if we can harness it with courage, if we can work through that. Have an awesome awesome day and I will talk to you next time. Bye. 

21:00 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my Powered by  free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.