00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 61, "Charity is the Antidote." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Well, hey there, and welcome to the podcast today. Thank you for joining me, I appreciate having you here. It would be kind of sad if I was just sitting here talking to myself all day long, every day, but I do have some people listening and I appreciate you taking the time to join in. I hope that this is making a positive impact in your life and helping you to move forward and to grow into a better you. Have you ever noticed that pieces just fit together, like sometimes the next step just comes? I find it kind of amazing because after I recorded the last podcast about mental and emotional abusive behaviors, the very next day I had an experience reading the scriptures and getting my lesson done for Sunday school, that was like, "oh my gosh, this is the next piece to the puzzle." 

01:12 

So we're going to talk about charity today. Charity is the antidote for all of those behaviors we talked about last time. So if you've been listening for the past few months, you'll remember that I've talked a lot about how love, real unconditional love for others, is the secret to the universe. Everything we need to find peace and make connections to others can be found in our ability to truly love without expectation or any other ulterior motive. So when we can learn how to love in the way that Christ loves, we will be more patient, accepting kind and open. And it's a process for sure, but I truly believe that it is the path for each one of us to find our true potential and to create the kinds of relationships that we are meant to have in this life. 

02:00 

So, that last podcast, I went through that huge list of mental and emotional abusive behaviors that I thought was just shocking for me to realize how many of those I had incorporated throughout my life, and that topic had been on my mind for quite some time as I realized that so many of us engage in these unhealthy behaviors, sometimes intentionally with a desire to control or manipulate, but so much more often out of ignorance, out of desire to move things along in our relationship or to have our voices heard. But regardless of our intention, those behaviors still need to be brought to our awareness and be addressed because these harmful behaviors are destroying the trust and the respect in our most cherished relationships and they are wreaking havoc on our personal peace and our relational prosperity. 

02:50 

So in the midst of all these things, as I mentioned before, I was reading the Come Follow Me lesson for two weeks ago because I'm a little bit behind. But I'm also super proud of myself for sticking with it and I'm reading all the chapters and not just the sections, I'm reading the full chapter. 

03:06 

So I have this really great scripture companion book called Your Study of the New Testament Made Easier from David J. Ridges. So I'll be honest, the Apostle Paul is super hard for me to understand. There's just so much cultural context that eludes me, but Brother Ridges pulls those ideas out and helps me put the pieces together. So last week I was getting around to 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter on charity, and since I had just recorded the podcast on mental and emotional abusive behaviors the previous day, I've read the charity concepts in context of those behaviors and saw some amazing stuff that I just really wanna share with you. 

03:42 

And a huge part of my understanding of this was Brother Ridges talked about the specific words that charity is described as and talked about the cultural context, all right? Really what those words meant in the time and so they were great. So we're going to break the scripture block about charity down into the individual pieces and see how each one prevents some aspect  of mental or emotional abusive behaviors. So I'll be referring to the list we covered last time to show how they fit into this amazing puzzle of becoming more Christlike and developing that true love. Okay, and then I'm going to be using his definitions to help tie this all together. 

04:29 

So the first one, starting 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verse 4 starts off by saying "charity suffers long." Now, "suffers long" means that it is patient. So someone who is patient will not revert to lecturing or belittling someone else's accomplishments because they don't meet their own personal standards. A patient person will not have outbursts when they don't get their way or shut down communication because it takes time and effort. A person with charity will be patient in these types of circumstances. They will be willing to invest time and effort into understanding the other person. Continuing in verse 4, "charity is kind." A kind person will not call another person derogatory names or belittle them in private or in public. They will not yell or patronize to make the other person feel small or treat them like a child. A kind person will strive to build others and give them the space to make mistakes and learn from them being forgiving all along the way. 

05:40 

And that same verse, "charity envieth not," which means charity does not resent others for what they have. So a person who does not envy will not be jealous of the other person. They will not try to come between you and your family because they won't feel threatened by your relationship with them. In this aspect it seems that charity has enough self-love that they understand that they are of complete worth regardless of anyone else who is around them. So they don't feel that need to compare themselves to others. What others are or what others have does not impact one little bit their worth in the eyes of God, and they see that clearly. 

06:23 

The next thing in that verse is that "charity vaunteth not itself," which means charity does not brag. So someone who doesn't brag in a relationship will not make themselves responsible for another person's accomplishments. "Well, you couldn't do that if you didn't have me," right, that kind of comment. They won't put down the other person's interests or hobbies by saying that they're not as good as theirs. Someone who doesn't vaunt themselves or doesn't brag about themselves will take responsibility rather than blame another for their problems and they will actively work to help others see your amazing strengths rather than work to make others see your faults. 

07:06 

And the last one in verse four says, "charity is not puffed up," meaning it is not prideful. So someone who is humble, which is the opposite of prideful, in a relationship will not demand respect from the other person. They will not withhold affection in an attempt to get their own way. A person who is humble will seek to understand their own behaviors and how those behaviors are impacting others rather than always blaming the other person for all of the problems and using guilt or shame to get their own way. Alright, good stuff, right? OK, when we start looking at it this way, I just I was like, "oh, my gosh, this charity thing, this solves all of those problems that we talked about last time." 

07:54 

Let's go on. Verse five, "charity does not behave itself unseemly," which means indecently, inappropriately, or rudely. So someone who behaves themselves indecently, inappropriately, or rudely may embarrass others in public. They may make jokes or use sarcasm to make someone else feel foolish. They may belittle another's accomplishments or make fun of their interests. They may also make important decisions without their partner's knowledge. They may order the other person around or walk out of a situation without taking responsibility for it. 

08:33 

Continuing in verse five, "charity seeketh not her own," which means it is not selfish. So someone who is not selfish will seek to carry their share of the responsibility rather than feigning helplessness so they don't have to be involved. Or maybe pretending to be asleep because they know that if they do, their spouse or whoever else will pick up the slack and do all the work. A selfless person will respect another even if their viewpoint is different and will seek to understand the other person's point of view rather than disputing their feelings and tell them that they are wrong to feel that way. 

09:14 

Alright, "charity is not easily provoked," which means it is not irritable. It doesn't lose its temper. Someone who is not easily provoked will not yell or throw a tantrum in order to try and get their own way or for any other reason, really. They won't try to push buttons of the other person in order to provoke them so that then they can blame them for the quarrel if they  retaliate or even say that it's the other person's fault that they got angry in the first place. Alright, so many of these things just like hit home in a lot of different areas of my life. I think it's amazing to me when I saw this. 

09:54 

Alright, "charity thinketh no evil." So coming from the book I referenced before, the word "thinketh" as used here means "keeps a list of, keeps an account of." In other words, doesn't hold grudges, doesn't keep a list of wrongs done to him or her by others. Alright, keeping lists, keeping score. This person who thinketh no evil will not keep score. They won't blame others for their problems nor demand respect. 

10:29 

Alright, verse 6, "charity rejoiceth not in iniquity," which means does not delight in or take pleasure in wickedness, "but it rejoiceth in the truth." So this charitable person really wants to understand the truth, not just their version of it. They won't unjustly accuse others or deny their own behaviors or motivate others. They will seek to be honest in all of their interactions with others, even when it may mean confessing their own failings and faults. They're seeking to have integrity in all things within the relationship. 

11:08 

Charity verse 7, "barreth all things," which means keeps quiet about the errors and faults of others and does not give in to resentment. So a person who doesn't try to throw others under the bus and work to turn others against someone else is a person who barreth all things. If you're not giving in to resentment, that also means that you are setting boundaries, because boundaries will throw us in, not having boundaries, will throw us into a place of resentment. 

11:39 

Next verse 7, "believeth all things," which means is completely trusting of and committed to God and Christ. "Hopeth all things," so in this one, the word hope implies courage, assurance, and determination, and optimistically planning on success in following God, which is a perfect brightness of hope, and last of all, "endureth all things," which means never gives up in following Christ. 

12:06 

Alright, so there we go, too many so's in there, pretty much. All of the abusive behaviors we talked about are the opposite of this characteristic of charity. Someone who believes in, hopes in, and endures all things will trust God and is committed to God and Christ, and will also be seeking for awareness of their weaknesses and shortcomings, and will be taking responsibility for them rather than blaming and accusing others. 

12:38 

Verse eight, "charity never faileth." This is kind of like wraps it all up, right? So in the book that I referenced before, this is what he says here, this is all a big quote. "The phrase 'charity never faileth' in verse eight has many possible interpretations and lessons for us. For instance, it can mean that exercising charity never fails to make us a better person. It never fails to make the world a better place. Another definition of faileth is being ineffective, or in other words, charity is never ineffective. Even in the case where Christ, like love and patience, is rejected by others, charity still brings the one who has it back to God." Okay, out of quotes for a second, isn't that interesting? It doesn't bring the other person back to God. Charity brings the person who has it back to God. I love that. Okay, jumping back into the quote. "Yet another use of the word 'faileth' is found in the phrase men's hearts failing them for fear. Here the word failing means 'to run out of, as in running out of hope, courage, or optimism.' Thus, 'charity never faileth' could mean that a truly Christlike person never runs out of charity toward others. Still another help for understanding the word 'faileth' is used in conjunction with a leaf falling off of a tree or a flower. The message is that charity will never be removed from its place as a central focus of celestial Christlike behavior." 

14:21 

I love that the end of this lets us know that charity is always the answer, because it never fails to help us act in loving and healthy ways. It never fails to bring us to Christ. It never fails to heal relationships and create healthy relationships, where we can grow and develop into more Christlike people, never fails in helping us to move forward past our human tendencies toward abusive behaviors. Because I believe the reason so many of these mental and emotional abusive behaviors run so rampant in our relationships is because they come so naturally for us. They are our brain's go-to behaviors for protecting us and helping us to feel safe, okay? 

15:11 

Our brains have a natural tendency toward negativity. The natural man in us desperately seeks for worldly safety and security and these unhealthy behaviors give us a very false sense of the security. So as long as we allow our brains to be in charge, they will seek to satisfy our base desires that are often so hurtful to other people and to our relationships. But when we can learn to allow our minds, the spirit part of our thinking, to seek for a higher purpose and meaning, we will find ourselves gravitating toward more Christlike behavior. We will find ourselves choosing charity and really learning to love as Christ does with selflessness, with kindness, with compassion, with equality, and with patience. 

16:01 

So the antidote to mental and emotionally abusive behaviors is charity, the pure love of Christ. Who knew? When Paul taught that "charity never faileth," he really meant it and he really understood what that meant. It never fails to heal our relationships. It never fails to heal us. It never fails to help us treat those around us in healthy ways. And it never fails to create a connection to God, to Christ, to ourselves, and with those around us. 

16:39 

Alright, growing up is great. I love making these connections. I just think it's brilliant how God just leads us down paths sometimes. And I love that this chapter on charity, for me, though I was behind, came exactly at the right time for me to make these connections. So thank you for joining me today. If you are loving this, if it's making a bit of a difference in your life, please share it with somebody else for whom you also feel this would make a positive impact. My goal is to add value to the world, to help people live better lives, happier lives, more fulfilling lives where we are tapping into our potential. And I hope that the things I'm sharing with you are helping you to do that. 

17:23 

If you haven't subscribed yet, please do that. And leave me a review. I'm trying to get to a hundred reviews. So I think a few podcasts ago I listened to it and I said a thousand. Well a thousand would be super nice, but I'm not quite there yet. At some point my goal will change to a thousand, but right now it's for a hundred. So that is it for today. I hope that this has been helpful. I hope that you've made some connections that are helping you to understand how you can move forward in a better and a healthier and happier way. Have a really, really fabulous day and thanks again for joining me. Really appreciate it. Talk to you next time. 

18:01 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya!