00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale, and this is episode number 50, "The River of Misery." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale, and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Well hi, happy to be with you today. Isn't life great? I know I can probably get annoying to some, but you know what, I just love my life. I love where I am, I love what I'm learning, I love what I'm doing, and I'm just happy to be here with you today. So we're going to talk today about something called the River of Misery. Doesn't this just sound like the best place in the world to spend your vacation? And yet, I'm going to suggest that it is actually one of the best places we can get comfortable hanging out in. So what is the River of Misery, you ask? Well this is the place of growth. On one bank is where we are, and on the other bank is where we need to get to. And we all know that growth can be super uncomfortable most of the time, and some might even say that it's miserable, right? So the River of Misery. So usually what we're doing is just hanging out on the bank, we're enjoying life, we're thinking about that things are great, right? And for a while they really are, but after being there for quite some time, we start to feel a little bit unsettled. And our being too comfortable starts to feel uncomfortable. We start to see things that we don't like so much about ourselves or about our lives, and we start feeling like it's time to move on and into something bigger and better. 

01:42 

You've been there? Gosh, I have. And I love this part of life because I feel like this is when God is nudging me and letting me know it's time to start growing again. Usually for me, this starts to happen when I've been coasting for a while, right? Maybe I was going and I was doing things at such a great pace, and then I decided to just kind of put my bags down and rest for a little bit, and I start to settle into the new processes that I've developed. I start to become comfortable with the person that I've grown into. And then I'll start to see little things. I start to see small things that could be tweaked or adjusted. I start to feel that little nudge to push myself into another place. I start to realize that I need to get moving again and that I've rested long enough. 

02:28 

And sometimes these times come because I actually ask God to show me what I need to see about myself so I can work on growing. Sometimes God will just gently offer it to me. He'll show me things because He knows it's time for me to move into my next better self. And sometimes it's like a huge thunderstorm that attacks without warning and forces me to get off my butt and get moving. But however it happens, we all hit points in our lives where we need to start growing again. But gosh darn it, growth is hard, isn't it? And oftentimes we just resist it. To get off of the comfortable bank of the river where we've set up camp, we have to pack up all of our gear, we have to start across the treacherous water, it's not always an appealing option. Sometimes we're downright resistant to the quiet, small nudges, and then they seem to get bigger and bigger until eventually we're in a full-on storm. 

03:27 

Okay, have you been there before? Yeah, me too. Where I felt like I needed to go somewhere and then pretty soon something big happens that kind of forces me to go there. And the resistance, all that sitting there resisting these urges, is miserable. When I have urges to move forward and to face my fears and to acknowledge my weaknesses, it can make me feel really uncomfortable. And this discomfort, although we may not like it, is one of the most amazing things we can feel because discomfort means there is something great coming, like an upgraded version of us. 

04:05 

But our option at this point is to either hang out on the bank and feel the discomfort of not moving and growing when we know we should, or we can head out across the River of Misery, which is also a lot of discomfort. So we've got discomfort in either place, right? The River of Misery is the place where we have to go when we are moving from one emotional place to  another. It is traversing the challenges of growth so that we can move into the next best version of ourselves. It is a journey that is often filled with trepidation, with uncertainty, fear, awkwardness, and painful realization. But this is what growth requires of us. It requires that we get uncomfortable and that we work through it. But really, if we want to be happy and content in life, we have to be growing, which means we have to get uncomfortable and head into the river of misery. We have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

05:09 

But take a second and think about the past times that you've worked your way across the river of misery. Okay? Challenging for sure, but usually once we get started at it, it just kind of becomes our normal and we have an ability to take things as they come and to figure it out. And if you look back at the rivers you've already crossed in your life, sometimes you're in awe of how strong you were and how much you grew and that you actually made it across. And generally we're so grateful that we did. We're so glad that we moved from one place to a better place and we're amazed by our growth and our tenacity to work through it. So once we get to the other side of the river of misery, we're not only a better person because of what we've learned, but our confidence has also grown and increased, and our respect for ourselves has improved as well. 

06:03 

So what's the first step to getting to this better place? We have to start seeking to be more aware of where we are. We have to pay attention to the little nudges that make us feel uncomfortable and like something needs to change. And maybe we need to even pray and ask God to show us what the next step is in our progression. And then we become aware. Awareness is such a blessing. Such an amazing thing in our life because it is a vital step in any growth that we engage in. Without awareness we don't even know that something is wrong. So sometimes we have to pray and ask for awareness to get it. 

06:47 

Okay, once we get it, once we're more aware of the direction we need to be heading at some point, we just have to muster the courage to step into the water. And I promise the first step is always the hardest. It's the hardest but it's also the most important because nothing's gonna happen until we take that first step right? The first step is often the hardest just because we don't often even know where to begin. I've been experiencing this lately as I've been wanting to create an online course called Divorced and Happy. So how do you even start to take a course you've been working on and move it into an online format? I have no idea. I don't really even know where to take my first step. I mean I'm creating the course, I've got ideas down, I've actually talked to my web guy and I've created a page for the course and that's where I am. 

07:42 

And right now I'm feeling a little stuck because I don't know what my next step is. How do I create a course that people can sign up for and pay for online and I get all the information. I don't even know where. I don't know where I'm going yet. But I'm going to figure it out because I'm stepping into the River of Misery. And there's a reason we call it that. It's because it can be super hard and challenging and uncomfortable. But when we're seeking change, it's the only way we can get there. The only way to become the person we really want to become is to navigate the River of Misery. 

08:21 

But here's something amazing to understand. We may be really intimidated by the discomfort of being in the middle of change, in moving from one form of ourselves to another. But we're going to be uncomfortable either way. We're either sitting in discomfort on the bank knowing we would be better off moving, you know, feeling the discomfort of feeling the nudges to get up and go, the discomfort of having outgrown our own current circumstances, or we can step into the River of Misery and deal with the discomfort of growth and change. But either way, we're going to be uncomfortable: either uncomfortable knowing we should change or uncomfortable because we are changing. So I figure I may as well be uncomfortable with an end in sight and with an end that will help me find greater happiness and contentment through growth. 

09:08 

But here's something brilliant about the River of Misery. When we're standing on the banks and looking at the rushing water and seeing how far across the river is, it's so easy to get intimidated. But what we don't see is that there are always stepping stones reaching from one bank of the river to the other side of the river. But we usually only see one stepping stone at a time. We'll see that first stone and think, "okay, so I get onto that one and then what? Then I'm just stuck out there and I don't know where to go." Okay, fair enough, because that's all that you can see. But I promise it never fails that once we take the first step, if we start looking around, we'll see another stepping stone out in front of us. Almost always in my life, it seems that the next stone is the only one that I can see. Rarely can I see every stone across the River of Misery. But as soon  as I summon the courage to step onto the next stone that I see, my perspective changes because I'm in a different place and I can now see the next step of what I need to do. 

10:20 

And this is where I am with my online course. I'm taking the first step by creating the course and getting my webpage created for it. When those things are done, I have no doubt that I'm going to look up and the next step will be in front of me. I'll see an advertisement on Facebook. I'll see something that will say, "Hey look, here's how you create an online course." Right? I'll find something that will just draw me in and there I'll be. The next step will be right there. I don't know where it is right now. I don't. But the next step I know will always appear when I'm ready for it. 

10:53 

The process of changing from one person into another, which is part of this process, right? It's not an easy one. It can be painful to let go of things that have protected us in the past. It can be scary to try new things that we're not sure about. It can be awkward to have people seeing us engaging in things that we don't know how to do. But there is no true happiness without growth. And there is no growth without discomfort. So the sooner we can embrace the idea that discomfort is not a bad thing, but rather a really good thing when it comes to growth, the more content we will start to become with our lives. We will become content because we won't fear the discomfort. We will just recognize it, acknowledge it for what it is, a sign of growth, and figure out how to work through it. We'll stop panicking at that discomfort, right? We'll just start saying, "whew, okay. Pick up your stuff, catch your breath, let's go," right? 

11:54 

So the next time you feel the nudge to move on, to move forward, pay attention, take some time to figure out what the nudge is urging you to do. Recognize the feeling of discomfort as a sign that great things are coming, because that nudge is just gonna keep on nudging. The inner push to get moving will just get stronger and stronger, and then we're gonna be sitting on the banks feeling uncomfortable anyway. Remember, we're either uncomfortable because we're sitting on the bank not moving, or we're uncomfortable because we are. We may as well be using the discomfort to our advantage and be moving toward the next step in our growth and development. 

12:38 

So discomfort, it's an amazing thing to feel. Discomfort is the gateway to growth. Discomfort is the gateway to real inner peace and happiness. Discomfort means we're living life to its fullest. Gosh, I love this growing up, don't you? So fun to start putting pieces together and to see where we are and to feel the growing happening. I just love that. If you feel like you need to grow a little bit and you would like some help from me, you can get on my website at tanyahale.com. I am down to offering only three free coaching sessions a week. So if you would like to snag one of those, you need to get on and do that. I would love to get you started with understanding how coaching can help you out. 

13:28 

And with that, if you are loving this podcast, please leave me a review, and that will help me out a lot. And subscribe if you haven't yet. And also share this with other people. You can share it on Facebook. You can go to my Facebook page, which is Tanya Hale Life Coaching. And I always post my podcast there as well. So you can get on there. You can follow me. And then you can share that to people and you can let them know "hey, I really like this podcast for this reason. Take a listen.". I think it would be great and it would help me a ton. Thanks so much. I hope that life is being terrific for you because you're being terrific to life. So have a terrific day and I will talk to you later. 

14:07 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.