00:00 

Hey there, welcome to Intentional Living with Tanya Hale. This is episode number 325, "Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:23 

Alright, hello there, my friends. Welcome to the podcast. So glad to have you. If you are new, so so glad to have you here. There's so much good stuff here. If you want a better relationship with anybody in your life, this is the space to help you do that. And for those of you who are coming back, so glad to have you. Thanks for your support. Thanks for continuing to show up and learn information that's going to change your life. That's why I do this. This has changed my life. What I'm able to create in this second marriage with Sione compared to what I created in my previous 24 year marriage is mind-boggling to me and I'm so grateful for it. 

01:04 

That being said, I don't know if you remember, if you've been listening for a bit last late spring, I said, "hey, I want to do some couples coaching and I need some guinea pigs," and I had three couples sign up. And I just finished my coaching sessions, the 18 sessions with one of the couples, and it was such an incredible experience for me and loved every minute of it. Saving marriages is so incredible. So I wanted to share with you today what both of them said. This was Alicia and Aaron. So this is what Alicia had to say. Now I had previously worked with Alicia for 12 sessions and then she and her husband signed up for the couple sessions and I worked with both of them individually, continued to work with Alicia for a bit, worked with Aaron individually, and then I pulled them together for, I don't know, I think seven sessions at the end that we did together. It was incredible for me and it was a great experience for them as well. 

02:08 

Let me share with you what they had to say. So Alicia said "couples coaching has been the single best thing we've ever done for ourselves. After 25 years of marriage we were both so tired of our unhealthy patterns. We felt like maybe we were broken beyond repair. After one-on-one coaching with Tanya, starting couples coaching with my husband seemed like the natural next step. There were things I had been working on personally that couldn't get any better without both of us understanding these tools. Having a safe place that both of us could share was a catalyst for our relationship. I couldn't fix us on my own. When we both started seeing our own crap more clearly with Tanya's help we were finally able to see each other. The past six months of personal and then couples coaching has forever changed us. We are at peace with our past and we are happier than we have ever been. I have felt seen and understood in deeper ways than I ever have before. Tanya is amazing and she has been so kind and thoughtful in her approach. I have never felt judged or shamed even when she said hard things. Her encouragement and faith in me helped me make some really hard changes. Seeing how I was hurting my relationship and my husband was hard, but it was only when I could see it that I could change it. I am so grateful that I found Tanya and that I had the courage to set up my first consultation. I don't have words to express how much her coaching has done for me and our marriage." 

03:30 

Alright, so thanks Alicia for that. Alicia, if I recall correctly, said that she listened to my podcast for about a year before she finally got the courage to set up a consultation with me. And I think she's glad she did. She's done some hard work and I'll tell you what, "work" is the phrase for this because, as she says, it's hard to see where you've been hurting your husband, where you've been hurting your marriage. But we can't fix it until we have the courage to look at it. Anyway, she's done some great stuff. This is what Aaron had to say. He says "I went into this very skeptical. I could see how personal coaching was benefiting my wife and had listened to a few of Tanya's podcasts, which I enjoyed, but I have seen coaches who talk a good talk but haven't implemented successfully in their own lives the principles they try to teach others. I knew we needed tools that we didn't have so I agreed to give her a shot. Wow was I wrong. Tanya is the real deal. She started out by coaching us individually for a bit and then we moved into couple sessions. Her life experience, honesty, and vulnerability  really help you feel comfortable and give you hope. The tools she have provided us have changed everything." 

04:47 

Yeah, that just kind of says it. It was an amazing experience. They have seen so much change and so much progress and their relationship is not the same as it was six months ago, and they tried a lot of things before meeting with me and just the tools that I have. I feel so blessed to have what I have, with the understanding, with my previous experience, and then the tools that I've been able to piece together over the years of what it takes for us to really have healthy relationships put me in a unique place to really help couples, I think. And even if you're an individual, there are things that we can do to make our relationships better, to feel more empowered, to show up better, to change the relationships. I've worked with other couples or other individuals where even just working with the wife for six weeks, she comes back and she just says, "wow," she says, "I can't believe that six weeks ago I wanted to get divorced because when I've changed my behaviors and the way that I'm thinking everything else changed in the relationship and that's an option too. 

06:00 

But I do want you to know that I'm still doing individual one-on-one count coaching. I'm also now offering couples coaching. I feel confident in it. I feel good. I've seen some great progress with the couples that I've been working with and just wanted to share that with you. So if you are ready to move into phase two, let's do it. Let's get moving and let's get talking. And let's clean up some stuff, right? Let's save your marriage. Let's get you in a place where it's no longer tolerable, but where it is engaging and energizing, because that's what we get to create in our relationships. 

06:43 

Alright, so I'm hoping after the last out of the last six podcasts I've put out, five of them have been replays of previous podcasts. And my husband the other day came in after listening to the Tolerable Life one and he's like, "wow," he says "like you really are putting out some of your best stuff," and I'm like, "yeah, it is really good." And I would just suggest if you like those, there is so much good stuff in the past. Go back and and find one and just kind of start listening to them. There are nuggets of gold in all of them and I'm just so proud of the content that I put out. And I want you to be able to share in the information that I feel has been life-changing for me and continues to be life-changing as I continue to grow in my understanding and continue to add tools to my toolbox and continue to see things that I have never seen before. 

07:35 

And it's a project of growth for all of us. That's what we're all doing here. So go back and listen to some. Spend some time, like I know if you're like me, I have more podcasts in my list than I can ever listen to. But I would I would love for you to go back and find some. And especially if you're interested in relationships, go back about three years and start checking those out from about two and a half, three years on. This is where I really started stepping into dating, where I really started putting some extra pieces together with relationships because now I was dabbling in relationships and putting them together. And just the content of the last three years especially I'm super, super proud of. So check that out. 

08:22 

And let's jump into today. That's a lot of chatting to start off a podcast. So here we go. Today we're talking about "stop being right and start being safe." So have you ever noticed how as humans we have such a desire, like a deep hardcore desire, to be right. And it can show up in all sorts of well-meaning ways. So here's some examples that I came up with: telling our teenager they need to change their shirt because it doesn't match or look good. Telling our older teenager, they need to put their prepared backpack by the front door so it's ready to go in the morning. Telling our adult child they should sign up for classes now or they won't get the schedule they want. Telling our spouse that they should plan their time better so they're ready to leave the house on time. Telling our spouse that they would be more productive if they started going to bed earlier. Letting our spouse know that they make too many comments in Sunday school. Making sure our sister knows that they post too many political posts on social media. 

09:20 

Alright, so I think you're getting the idea. We all have these ideas and opinions, ideas that to us seem so right, that have made our lives better, so they're ideas that we believe really will make other people's lives better. We tell our kids to change their clothes because we want them to fit in, to not be bullied or laughed at when they're at school. And we know we're right because we have all of this life experience. Either we've experienced that bullying or we've seen other kids get bullied when we were that age or we've even seen it as adults. We are trying to help our teen know that some night-before prep will make their morning run more smoothly so they won't be so rushed. And we've had the same struggles and we have figured  it out so they should listen to us because we're right. Honestly we have really good altruistic reasons for saying the things that we say. We love these people and we want things and life to go more smoothly for them. We want them to be happy and successful. 

10:25 

And maybe we do have it right. Maybe if they took our suggestions and implemented them that their life would be better and easier. And yet it all begs the question, when is it that we start swerving into the other person's lane? What about these things are theirs and what are we ultimately responsible for? I would like to suggest that the only thing we are responsible for is how we show up. Now, when our kids are born, we are 100% responsible for everything. But as they grow, we get to slowly transfer that responsibility to them. And there is a point where we need to stop trying to micromanage all of the little bits and pieces of how they are choosing to show up in the world. We need to start doing a pretty major shift of responsibility around 12 or 13, another big one around 15, 16. And so by the time they're 16, 17, they are pretty much making most of their own decisions. 

11:36 

But many of us hold on a little too long to things our children need to be taking responsibility for. And the problem with this is that when they are ready to start taking responsibility and we continue to try to usurp authority from them, it breaks down the relationship, even when we are just "helping," right? This is what's so tricky about this concept, is that we really do see ourselves as helping. A lot of people who have control issues don't see it as controlling. They see it as helping. We really do think that what we're saying will change their world for the better and then we're shocked when they don't want to listen to us. And that's because once they start getting older it's not our job to tell them what they need to do to be better; it's our job to create a safe space for them to figure it out on their own, in whatever way that looks like for them. And it may not be the way that you think it should look. With our kids especially this can be super super hard. 

12:43 

And this is a huge shift in what so many of us think about relationships. I know I spent a lot of years thinking that at some level I was responsible for making people, especially my family members... my children, and my spouse...happy and for helping them to align their lives in a way that would help them to be happy. I had to make sure that they looked right, that they obeyed the commandments, that they were successful in school, etc, etc because I knew that those things would ultimately make them happy. And if I knew it and didn't share it, I would be responsible for them not being happy. So all false, by the way. Letting go of the thought that I'm responsible for their happiness and subsequently the choices they make regarding their happiness has changed all of my relationships for the better. 

13:33 

That is one of the reasons why this relationship with Sione is so completely different than the relationship in my previous marriage. Is me standing out of the way and stopping, stop trying to be right, stop trying to be the person who knows what is best. So that's not to say that I don't still stray into somebody else's lanes because, I'll tell you what, both habits die hard. But I really do strive to be cognizant of staying in my lane with others as they work to figure out their own lane. We're all in the thick of figuring out our own path, where we want to go, and how we want to get there. And when I start trying to micromanage how other people are walking their path, I get way off course of walking my own. 

14:25 

So let's go back to the example of helping our teenager understand how to dress better. Listen to the difference in what we could say. "Oh gosh baby, that shirt looks horrible with those pants. You need to go change it before I'm going to allow you to leave the house today." So notice that this immediately focuses on what we perceive as wrong. It comes from a place that says, "I'm right and you're wrong." The underlying message, listen to this, being that they're not good enough as they are. 

14:57 

I know this is all very subtle, but think about your own insecurities around not being good enough. How did they come about? For many of us, these insecurities were born in these small, seemingly insignificant comments of someone trying to help us out. So now compare that with this. The child walks into the room. "Oh, hey, sweetie, how are you doing this morning?" Listen and reply. "So what's going on for you at school today?" Listen and reply and continue in that mode of asking questions, of sharing information. For me, the difference lies in the unspoken "let me fix you" versus "let me love you." When we start shifting our thoughts about our relationships as being responsible for the other person's happiness to instead being responsible for showing up in a way that exudes love and where we create a safe space for them to figure out their own happiness, then I think we are really onto something. And I think so much of the "I need to fix you" mentality is just 100% unconscious behavior. 

16:15 

So often that was how we were raised with parents who did the same thing. So when we were growing up, our primitive brain was back there taking notes about how adults treat their children about what adults are responsible for or how we talk to other adults, like our brains back there going, "huh, I'll write that one down, that's good information." And then, when similar situations arise in our adult lives with our children, unconsciously, meaning that our primitive brain overrides our prefrontal cortex or our thinking brain, unconsciously our primitive brain says, "Oh, I know what to do in this situation." And it pulls out the playbook that it wrote in 1976. And we are off saying things and doing things without any conscious awareness. We step right into criticizing and fixing, or as we like to say, "helping," without even second guessing what we're saying or doing. We're not even even aware that that kind of stuff is really coming about out of our mouths. 

17:19 

So first of all, it's so important that we give ourselves a lot of grace in these areas. Most of us have never had a reason or an opportunity to take a second look at how we're engaging. We have no idea that we are coming from this one-up place, this "I'm right, you're wrong" place, a place where we are straying into someone else's lane, where we are trying to be responsible for their happiness and where we're trying to fix them. And though none of that is helpful, we're also oblivious to the fact that we're doing it. So, ding, ding, ding, ding, this is your wake-up call, my friend. Guess what? If you are doing this, if you are making comments like this, it is not helpful. It is not kind. And also, it's really none of your business. Staying in your own lane does an amazing job of creating a safe space for others to walk their own path, to figure out their own life strategy, and to feel loved and supported while doing it. If they feel they need or want our help, they will ask. 

18:26 

Now, again, I'm not talking about young kids who still need a lot of guidance. We're talking about older kids who really should be making a lot of these decisions for themselves, right? So, if we're going to create this safe place, it means that we have to respect their agency to live their lives how they choose, that we respect their agency and their intelligence to figure things out or not, and that we extend love and support for their journey. 

18:57 

So, Sione and I were talking about this last week, about the general conference talk this last conference by Elder Stevenson where he talked about the two towers of a suspension bridge being like the two great commandments that Jesus shared during the last week of his life. So, one tower is the commandment to love God with all of your heart, mind, and soul. And the other tower is loving others as ourselves. Everything comes from these two towers. So, I mentioned to Sione that sometimes it can feel that in really working to love others and accept that their path is theirs to figure out, when I can see it being so far away from their behavior being what I would think loving God looks like, it can be hard for me to know how to stay in my own lane. 

19:47 

So in my loving God, should I say something to them that will help bring them to the fold? Should I warn them of the calamities to come if they don't change their ways? Because if I step into that behavior, I will most likely push them away and strain the relationship. And as always, our discussion moved into reminding me that we are not responsible for whether other people love God or not. And it's also not mine to judge. Maybe they are loving God the best they are humanly possible of doing at this point in time. And if my judging their behaviors as not being good enough pushes them away, then they are farther away than they might have been before. If my acceptance and love for them pulls them closer to me, to someone who feels I have a great love for God, then who knows? Maybe at some point in the future, they will see how I'm living or trust me enough to ask me questions. In the meantime, I'm only responsible for me loving God. I'm only responsible for whether I choose to love others, and I do know this for sure. If I'm judging them, I'm not loving them. 

21:07 

Now, this isn't to say that there won't be times when we feel God's Spirit nudging us to say something, but I'm a firm believer that God's Spirit will never nudge me to say something that will be judgmental or hurtful. If God is love, then everything He does is done through a filter of love, or sometimes what I call the funnel of love. What we will feel prompted to do will be loving and kind and compassionate, and it will allow the other person to feel God's love as well. So I get to love God the best I know how, and I get to love others as myself the best I know how. And so much of what we talk about here on the podcast is learning how to love others better, learning how to do this second commandment. Understanding in deep and  more expansive ways how to love others and connect with others, how to create a safe space for them to explore their own darkness and step closer to the light. That's what we're doing here, because that's also exactly what I'm doing as well. When I clean up my love, I'm exploring my own darkness and stepping closer to the light. That's what I'm responsible for. Cleaning up my own not cleaning up theirs. 

22:32 

So when I approach a situation with another person from a place of thinking that I'm right, then I'm actually in the wrong. I get to be the judge of what's right for me. I never get to judge what is right for others. My responsibility is to learn to love others as I love myself. And a place of love is a safe place. It's a place that allows others to be themselves, to show their soft underbelly, to be vulnerable, and know that we will honor the trust they are giving us. It's a place for us to love and accept them for where they are in their journey and trust them in return to figure it out for them. Maybe their path of figuring it out will take them to places that we can't fathom. Places that seem scary and destructive to us, and maybe they are. but their journey is theirs. Our only responsibility is to create a safe, loving space for them. 

23:40 

And know as well that I'm not talking about extremes here also, right? If you have a child who is thinking of taking their own life or who is literally abusing others, then obviously we take steps there. So we're not talking about the extreme situations here. We're talking about the more of the day-to-day kind of stuff that most of us go through. 

24:05 

So I've told this story before, but I think it's been a couple years since I've shared on the podcast. So I know a man who left the church when he was a teenager and he sowed some wild oats over the years, we'll say. I'm sure the whole time his parents and other family members were praying desperately that he would get on the right path, you know, the same church path that they were on. But this man eventually got married to someone who is not a member of the church that he grew up in, but that she was a good person. And they had children and life was hard and they were really, really struggling with their marriage relationship. And he decided to give church another try. Later on he felt drawn to it and he started attending and taking his children. 

24:50 

And when one of his children wanted to be baptized, the mom was like, "oh no, she's not being baptized unless I know what she's learning." So she insisted that she sit in on the lessons with the missionaries so that she would know what was being taught to her daughter. And throughout that process, she came to accept what was being taught and was baptized herself. And they are a strong and amazing Christian couple who strengthen the church in incredible ways. 

25:16 

Now, as a parent, I can imagine that when this man left the fold of the church that people prayed and prayed for him to find the right path, which in their minds was probably right back through the church doors. But what if the path that was right for him was going off of the church path so he could find this amazing woman and help her walk a path that eventually led them both to the church? It can be really easy to think we know what the right path is for other people and we feel strongly about it and we can feel that we are right and we feel we need to let them know at every turn we need to bear testament to what we know is right. 

26:01 

But what if we don't know what the right path is for anyone else? And what if the best way to love others is to create a safe space for them to figure it out for themselves without criticism and without judgment? A place where they are swallowed up in our love? Because isn't that what each of us want from the people in our lives? We want a safe place to figure it out, not someone who is on our case about not doing it right. And when we want help or an outside perspective, most of us are pretty good about asking people we trust, people whom we feel we are safe with, people that we know won't criticize and judge us. So if someone does ask you for your advice or your perspective, you've most likely done a pretty good job of creating a safe space for them. 

26:52 

So when asked, share your ideas and then hands off, let go of them. Don't hold the person to doing what you suggested or get mad if they don't choose something. Or if they choose something else, don't get mad. It's still their path to figure out. If they see or feel that you are straying into their lane, they will get defensive and try to push you out and double down. None of us want other people in our lane. 

27:19 

So let's go back and look at some of the examples that I gave at the beginning of the podcast and let's address how we can create safety instead of criticism and judgment because we think we're right. So I give the example of telling our older teen they need to put their prepared backpack by the front door so it's ready to go in the morning. So what if we approached it this way? "I've noticed you're struggling to get out the door in time for school in the morning and that it seems to be really frustrating for you. Anything I can help you with?" And if they say, "oh, I just am so frustrated, I get so..." blah, blah, blah, whatever, we might wanna follow up with, "I have some ideas that might help. Let me know if you're interested." 

28:00 

Notice we don't say, "oh, let me tell you what to do." We let them know, "hey, I've got some ideas. Let me know if you're interested." We don't offer them without permission. When Sione and I are talking about something and he's sharing something he's frustrated with, I always try to say before I move into coach mode, I always try and remember to say, "would you like some coaching on this or do you just want a wife to listen?" And so asking permission. "I have some ideas, can I share them? Let me know if you're interested," okay? We say that and then we shut up. We don't give ideas that they haven't asked for. Notice that we didn't criticize. We didn't judge. We just mentioned that we see them being frustrated. It's a fact. Hey, the fact is that it looks to me like you're frustrated. We let them know that we see them. We see their frustration and we want to know how we can best support them. 

29:02 

This is a great strategy with kids figuring out how to manage their own lives. I sometimes even use this with my young adult children. Sometimes it can be hard not to tell them how to fix it because you know that I know what they can do to fix things. Right? Of course I know. I'm a life coach, right? But it isn't my job to fix it for them. My job is to create a safe space for them to figure it out. 

29:30 

So here's another example that I gave at the beginning: telling our adult child that they should sign up for classes now or they won't get the schedule that they want. There's really not much to say here. They're an adult. They are responsible for figuring all of this out. Now, if they forget to sign up and are frustrated with the schedule they end up with, we can be compassionate. We can be kind. We can be empathetic. I love using the validate, empathize, curiosity method. Okay? First, validate their frustration. "You seem really frustrated about it. It's hard when things don't go the way you hoped." Their feelings of frustration are real and they matter even if the situation is of their own doing. Validate their frustration. "Of course you're frustrated. It's hard when we don't get the classes that we wanted," or whatever emotion they're feeling with what's going on, right? 

30:26 

Second, next, express empathy. "Gosh, I would be frustrated too if I didn't get the schedule I had hoped for," or maybe "I know when things don't work out the way I'd hoped that I get frustrated too," or possibly "that happened to me my third year of college and I was super frustrated as well." Now, you may be tempted to go into a three minute long story about when you did something similar about your college experience of not getting signed up for classes on time, but refrain. Hold yourself back. A one or two sentence expression of empathy is more than sufficient. 

31:02 

Then just ask questions. Move into curiosity, that third step. "So what's your plan? What are you going to do with work if you can't get the school schedule you want?" We're not fixing. We're not criticizing. We're not judging. We're just letting it be what it is, and part of what it is, is theirs. We're keeping our hands off it. It's theirs to figure out. We just get to be a safe place for them if they need and a safe place supports. 

31:32 

So here's another example from the beginning: telling our spouse they should plan their time better so they're ready to leave the house on time. Okay, listen, your spouse is an adult who gets to be late if they want to be, to whatever they want to be. And you get to learn to keep your grubby little hands off of it. And yes, if you are going somewhere together you can make a request to leave at a specific time. And they get to choose whether or not to honor that request. 

32:03 

So here's a news flash that I just figured out recently: being on time is not a moral issue. And for the record, that is a new thought for me, right? There is nothing morally right or wrong about being on time. So if you need to set a boundary, because being on time is important to you and you're going to the same place, set a boundary. Say something like, "I really want to be on time, so I'm going to plan on leaving at 6:45. If you want to get there later, I'll save you a seat." And then if 6:45 comes and they're not ready, no drama, just a, "hey, I'm leaving, I'll text you where I'm sitting so you can find me. See you there. Love you so much." Okay? Being on time is not right or wrong, it's just something. We get to create a safe space for them to be who they are, to show up whenever they want. We can let that be a huge marital issue, or we can just, like, let them stay in their own lane and we stay in ours. 

33:08 

Okay, here's another example I gave at the beginning: let our spouse know that they make too many comments in Sunday school. Alright, who cares? How do you know that they weren't following a prompting from the Spirit and that someone else didn't walk away with a gold nugget from something they said? And who decides what too many comments are anyway? It's all so subjective. Right? There is no right or wrong here. It's just different ideas. If you have ornery thoughts about how much they are participating or if they're come, or if you're embarrassed by a comment that they said, that is your work to do. Don't try and fix your discomfort by getting them to change. Best thing to do? Say something like, "gosh, I love the idea you shared in Sunday school about honoring other people's agency. I really struggle with that sometimes. Like, remember last week when..." and share whatever you struggled with, right? "How do you think I could have approached that better?" Wouldn't that be amazing? What a safe space you're creating when you validate that they are sharing great info. It shows that you listen to them and that you appreciate them and that you have their backs, that you are loyal to the relationship and to them. And if you can't do that, then don't say anything. And then meet with your life coach and clean up your thoughts about your spouse. 

34:41 

I love that Terrence Reel says, "who's right? Who's wrong? Who cares?" He also says, :do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" These are our choices, my friends. We have to drop the being right narrative that we have in our brain. We either love them and support them and have their back or we're breaking down the relationship. 

35:08 

So here's another example I gave earlier: making sure our sister knows that she posts too many political posts on social media. Again, how she chooses to adult is all about her and has nothing to do with you. If you don't want to see her political posts, just scroll on, baby, scroll on. You don't have to read them. She gets to be as political as she chooses to be, and she gets to post it all over social media if she chooses. That is her business, it's not yours. Stay in your own lane. Now, make a comment instead about the post with the pics of her grandkids, how cute they are and what a great grandma she is. If you're just trying to protect her because other people push back against her posts, that's not your job. That's hers to figure out. You just get to love her and be grateful that she has a strong mind and opinions, because guess what? We need more women in the world like that. So maybe, just maybe, if you have to say something, it would sound like, "I love how you have such strong opinions about things and that you aren't afraid to put them out into the world. I really admire your courage." 

36:28 

Here's the deal: relationships are about loving the other person, about letting them know that we care about them, that we want them to feel safe when they are with us, that we support them and we have their back. Of course, we're not always going to agree on everything. We are humans and we are going to bump up against each other because of all of our differences. But we can bump safely and kindly. We can allow other people to take up space the same way that we want to take up space. We can work hard to remember that in most things, there is not a right or wrong. There is just a different way to do things. And we can remind ourselves that their path is theirs to figure out and it's none of our business. It's hard not to want to be right because that's how we're hardwired as humans. But pushing your right onto others is the quickest and easiest way to destroy safety. Push people away from us and destroy relationships. 

37:37 

So stay safe out there, my friends. That's what growing up into middle-age is all about and I love growing up, don't you? Okay, that's gonna do it for me today. Such good stuff. I loved, loved preparing this one for you. 

37:55 

Hey, just really quick, if you love this content please please share it with people. That is the best way for other people to find great information and to learn about this is if you share it with others. You can share it on social media. You can copy the link and then just paste it over in your social media feed. You can send the link to friends and just say, "oh, this was great. I would love for us to talk about this concept."That kind of stuff. Share it with others. You can also write me a review. The more reviews I have, and the more five star reviews I get, the higher it bumps it up on the algorithm so that other people who are looking for similar kind of content will be able to find this. 

38:37 

And if you love this content and would love just a little tidbit on the weekends, usually sometime in the course of Friday, Saturday, I will send out an email meant to be read in like two minutes or less with just some great information about what, about a coaching concept. Something that you can use to strengthen your relationships with yourself, with others, with your children, with your spouse. It's just a little tidbit. So you can go to my website. You can go to the "contact me" button and scroll down just a little bit. And under that, there's a thing that says "sign up for the weekend win." You will love that. I love preparing those. And I think I put out some really, really great stuff there. 

39:17 

Also just want to remind you, go back and listen to previous podcasts. If you loved the last few weeks and were like, "wow, that's a good podcast. That's some good stuff." There's loads of them out there. I now have 326 podcasts out there, five and a half years worth. There's a lot of good information. Go back and listen, have yourself an amazing, amazing week. And I will talk to you next week. Bye. 

39:43 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.