Tanya Hale 00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 213, "Thriving Post-Divorce: An Interview with Jody Moore." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

Tanya Hale 00:21 

Alright, hello there, my friends. Happy happy to have you here today. I am going to share with you today an interview that I had with another life coach, whose name is Jody Moore. She has been teaching a business class that I have been taking and learning from and growing from and I had the Incredible opportunity to be interviewed by her for her podcast. Her podcast is called "Better Than Happy" and it can be found anywhere you're gonna listen to your own podcast. She's a life coach who teaches a lot of the same kind of topics that I teach, so I'm just gonna jump right in and start you in with this podcast. We're talking about being divorced and being a life coach for a lot of people who get divorced, and the kind of mindset that we need to have to be able to really thrive after divorce and how coaching can help you do that. So I think you're gonna enjoy this one and I will catch you at the end. See you in a bit. 

Jody Moore 01:27 

I am so delighted to introduce you all today to Tanya Hale. Tanya is a Life Coach School certified coach who specializes in coaching middle-aged divorced LDS women. And she's the host of the podcast Intentional Living. She has four adult children. She teaches middle school, bless your heart, Tanya Hale. And she was married for 24 years before her own divorce six years ago. Tanya is a firm believer that divorce is not evidence of failure, but that it is an experience that can provide self awareness and bring about some of our greatest opportunities for growth. "A midlife divorce is the perfect storm," says Tanya, "for seeing our faults and weaknesses, learning to take responsibility for all aspects of our lives and creating a better version of ourselves." So without further ado, here is my conversation with Ms. Tanya Hale. 

Jody Moore 02:25 

Okay, Ms. Tanya Hale. So thank you so much for taking the time to join me today in the podcast. 

Tanya Hale 02:31 

Really happy to be here. Thanks, Jody. 

Jody Moore 02:33 

Yeah, you bet. So tell us a little bit about you first. Let's give everybody an introduction. 

Tanya Hale 02:39 

Alright. I am a mom of four. I have four adult kids. So fun to have them grown up and out of the house. I miss them a lot, but it's fun to see them growing, right, and doing and stepping into their own thing. 

Jody Moore 02:52 

Good. I've been hearing a lot of people lately say that having adult kids is harder than having teenagers or little kids. 

Tanya Hale 02:59 

I would just say that it's different. 

Jody Moore 03:01 

Okay, good. 

Tanya Hale 03:02 

There are definitely some challenges to having adult kids, but it's also a brilliant, amazing space, just like when they're tiny, right? Like when they're tiny, it's fun and amazing, but it's really hard also. 

Jody Moore 03:12 

Almost like it's 50-50 either way. 

Tanya Hale 03:14 

Right? It's kind of amazing how that works. I really love my adult kids. I mean, we all love our kids, but I think it's fun to have little kids as well. I have been a middle school teacher for a lot of years, and I am just moving out of that. I'm moving into coaching full-time, which has been a really fun experience. 

Jody Moore 03:33 

That's exciting. 

Tanya Hale 03:34 

I mean, to that point as well. I coach mostly divorced LDS women. And so I've been divorced for six and a half years and worked through that process. And part of that process was that I found coaching and have been able to move into my own healing process from the divorce through the coaching. And that's what I love to help other women and men do as well, is to process through the divorce and all the social... What are the social expectations around it and the thoughts around divorce and how do we manage ourselves in there and what do we do and what about our children and what about ourselves? Like answering those questions, who am I? Now that I've been married 24 years and I don't know who I am being single again. There's just so many questions and so much that we can work through and we all have a different experience working through it. So... 

Jody Moore 04:27 

Such a powerful, important space. I love that you're doing that work. That's why I wanted to bring you on today. And of course, divorce can be challenging no matter what our background or life experience, but there are some things specific to the LDS culture, some nuances around sort of the, like you said, the social expectations and everything that I was really excited to have you dive into as a lot of our listeners are members of that faith. So let's just dive right in. What do you think are some of the biggest challenges for, well, let's talk about women. Obviously, a lot of this is going to apply to men, but I know you specialize in women. What are some of the biggest challenges that your clients are facing as they go through divorce? 

Tanya Hale 05:11 

I think there's several. I think one is that piece that I kind of touched on, is this piece of, "okay, so now who am I?" I know for me, like I said, married 24 years, I got out and I'm like, "I haven't been single since I was in my 20s. And now I'm in my late 40s. And how do, you know, who am I at this point? Now that I'm single and not married, how does that fit in?" And there can be a lot of struggle for us there. You know, thinking that, you know, am I a horrible person because I've gotten divorced? Is there something wrong with me? Am I lovable? Am I capable of love? Those are a lot of the questions that a lot of us have, just that piece of trying to figure out who we are. I think, we also, it's so easy when you get divorced to point fingers, especially at your ex-spouse and to blame a lot. And as long as we are in that space of blame, we just cannot start to heal. Because if I'm blaming somebody, I'm putting myself in a victim mentality. And if I'm a victim, then there's always a villain, which would be the person that I'm blaming. And as long as I'm in that space of disempowerment, I cannot step into moving forward. And becoming the hero of my own story. And stepping forward into creating the kind of life that I got divorced to have, right? I got divorced because the life was not functional for me. And yet we oftentimes get out of that dysfunctional and we stay in dysfunction because we don't understand how to stop blaming and how to start taking responsibility. So I work with them in a lot of different areas of taking responsibility. I think we also struggle with societal expectations and the shame around divorce. 

Jody Moore 06:52 

So before we go into that, I'm gonna dive a little deeper into what you're talking about here. 'Cause I think it's so important. So I hear what you're saying about this, if I'm blaming my ex or anyone else outside of me, then it leaves us powerless in that victim's face, right? What do you say to a client though, who's like, "but Tanya, you don't understand, my husband had an affair and he's the one that decided to end this marriage. Like, this is his fault. If it weren't for his choices, I wouldn't be in this situation." 

Tanya Hale 07:25 

Well, I'm gonna talk about responsibility in two different areas. One is our past responsibility that we can look at. And I don't care if the husband has an affair. We all have some responsibility for how things go down in a marriage. And maybe he did carry the lion's share of the weight here, but it still is so, so valuable that we look at ourselves and that we see how did I not show up the spouse that I wanted to be. And that we start recognizing our patterns of behavior that were dysfunctional and that were hurtful, because then I can know how to move forward. So I think it's just really valuable that, I mean, we do need  to acknowledge that yes, our, our spouse may have his percentage of what he was, I don't know that you can divide it up in percentages, but you know, he had, he brought things and I brought things as well. And there's a reason that things break down and, and you know, and just being able to really take a good look at ourselves and notice that so that we can know where we want to start making some adjustments in our own lives. Where do I want to start nudging my own behavior into showing up more the kind of person that I want to be. And then there's also this piece of responsibility for now. If I keep blaming my spouse, I am stuck because I don't have any control over his behavior. And it's only when I step into really taking a hundred percent responsibility for my behavior that I can start moving forward. 

Tanya Hale 09:00 

In fact, I was working with a client last night and he just kept spinning and spinning on the story of "she did this and she did this and she did this." And I was like, "okay, so now I want you to retell the story and leave her out of it. And don't talk about how she's doing this, but tell the story without her." And as he started getting into telling his story, it was brilliant the amount of empowerment that he felt and how he just was like, "well, I guess now I can start doing this and I can start doing this." And he actually ended up not just feeling good for now, but he actually ended up with a plan of "I can do this in the future. And what if I move into this job and start doing this?" And so it moved him out of a place of being a victim to her behavior and being following prey to that, to being able to step up and say, "okay, so now this is what I want to do, regardless of what she's doing, I can move into this space of taking responsibility for where I'm going and how I'm growing and what I'm doing." And it was such a powerful experience to watch him move through that. 

Jody Moore 10:12 

Yeah, and I think that's key what you're saying. I think sometimes it gets, when we say "you got to take responsibility, you got to take a look at yourself, you got to stop blaming other people." I think it gets misinterpreted sometimes as saying, for example, I'll just use the example I gave earlier, if it's, well, my spouse had an affair and chose to leave the marriage, people think we're saying "you should take some responsibility for your spouse's behavior." Like maybe if you had been a better wife or had been more, or this is what our brains do too, right? If I was more attractive, if I was better than, he wouldn't have done that. That's not what we're saying at all. You're not responsible for other people's behavior. You're not responsible even for other people's unhappiness. You're responsible for your experience and that doesn't mean that anything's gone wrong if your experience has been painful. It's just simply noticing like you said, I love what you said about take responsibility for your present experience especially, because we continue to punish ourselves as we replay stories from the past. They're about our judgments of others or of ourselves. When you recognize that each of us is more powerful in our current experience than we tend to realize. We tend to give so much power and even ownership to things outside of us. 

Jody Moore 11:41 

I just posted something on Instagram actually yesterday. It was a quote from Elder Bednar that said "to be offended is a choice." And I have a lot of comments on there saying, "I disagree, people offend us. And to say that is to minimize the mistreatment that people sometimes offer one another." And it's almost like we fight for this painful story of "I'm not responsible for how I feel." And what we're not saying is that we should tolerate mistreatment. 

Tanya Hale 12:21 

Right, absolutely. 

Jody Moore 12:22 

Right, that's not what we're saying at all. But what we're saying is like, "isn't it the best news ever that you get to choose your feelings?" And you won't always be able, you won't always do it consciously, none of us will. But in moments when we choose to, we can slow down and create the experience we want, no matter what's happening outside of us. And that is the best news. I think that's the best news. And it's fascinating how people want to argue with it. They want to argue for disempowerment and pain. 

Tanya Hale 12:56 

Yeah. And I love being able to move into this space of helping them. Yeah, we're not saying put up with mistreatment. I mean, I think that's one reason why a lot of people end up getting divorced, right? Because there is a lot of mistreatment. But then we move into this next space of what? Then I'm mistreating myself because I'm not allowing myself to move into that next best space that I want to move into? Because I keep drawing this person into my story and I keep letting them have power over me. And so when I say, "listen, you can do your stuff over here. I'm going to do my stuff over here. This is what I want to do for me and how I want to create my life." And that's where the empowerment comes from. And as long as 

we keep letting that person into our story, we are disempowered. And so I love the visual of take this person who's currently a main character in your story. Let's just move them off to the side, and maybe they're not in your story at all, or maybe they're just a minor character over there. But I get to create and write the story that I want right here in front of me. And they don't have to have that power and that control over the plot of my story, of what I create. 

Jody Moore 14:07 

That's such a beautiful way to think about it. Like, if you have kids together, they're probably going to have a small role in your story, but they don't have to be one of the main characters. And then we move into that uncomfortable space, like you said before, of, "well, then who am I? How do I identify myself?" And it is fascinating how much of our identity we tend to get from our relationships, especially our familial relationships, which actually doesn't make us who we are, but we think that it does. We create our identity around it. So I would imagine that that's an uncomfortable space to be in. We take the villain out of the story, and now there's just a big hole in the story. 

Tanya Hale 14:51 

Yeah. And I think it's hard for us on a personal level, just because we're having to revisit ourselves and get to know ourselves in a completely different way that we haven't before. And so is everybody else. Everybody in our lives is having to learn how to adjust to us now not showing up with a spouse or whatever. And I know that I have friends who would say, "oh, well, we're going to go out to dinner," but, you know, and I wasn't invited because I wasn't a couple. 

Jody Moore 15:22 

Oh, right. 

Tanya Hale 15:22 

And they think that I'm going to be uncomfortable as a single person going to dinner with two or three other couples. And I'm like, "listen, that doesn't bother me at all. Let that be my choice. What I want to do." But it's interesting that other people also have this idea that, "well, we don't know who you are. We don't know how to engage with you as a single person." And so I think sometimes that can feel a little bit lonely when we get divorced and when we are single, again, after being in these couples, you know, where we all go out and do things. 

Jody Moore 15:52 

So what do you recommend to your clients to do in that situation? Is there anything both for the person who's gone through the divorce and then also friends of somebody going through a divorce? How do we help navigate that and make it a little bit less awkward? 

Tanya Hale 16:08 

Yeah. Well, I think, first of all, people are really uncomfortable talking about divorce. I think a lot of people feel like they have to pick sides. Right? Like if my couple friends are getting divorced, I have to choose which one I'm going to align with. And I wish it was easier for us not to do that. I wish we could see that that doesn't necessarily have to happen. I would say as a friend of someone who gets divorced, let it be their choice, whether they want to come by themselves or whether they don't. You know, there are a lot of times where 

Jody Moore 16:38 

Keep inviting them? 

Tanya Hale 16:39 

Keep inviting them, right? Yeah. Even your spouse and another couple are going out to dinner, invite your single friends and just say, "hey, we're going," and let it be my choice. Don't assume that I'm going to feel uncomfortable because I don't have a spouse there. And so I think that's important. For me as an individual, I think it's important for me to take responsibility for that and say, "listen, I get that people don't know how to respond to me anymore. I get that people are uncomfortable, that's 

okay. But I can step into my own comfort, I can have my own back here." And if I'm comfortable with who I am as a single person, then it's amazing to me how other people are much more comfortable with me being who I am. When I'm always insecure and waffling and, "well, I don't know..." you know, people don't know how to respond to that. But when I step up 

and I say, "look, here I am, I'm here at church, I'm sitting on the back pew by myself, I'm gonna talk to people, I'm going to engage in conversations with people. I'm going to invite my friends over to my house for dinner, or I'm going to be the one who plans the night out with friends." And I invite all couples and I show up by me. I have complete control over that. I get to choose my experience. And if I stand around and wait for other people to choose my experience for me, I'm going to be sorely disappointed, because they're not going to choose what I want. And they're not going to advice for everyone. 

Jody Moore 18:06 

Like if you want to be invited, tell them, "Hey, when you go out to eat, I still want to come with you. Don't forget to invite me." I tell people all the time, "don't forget to invite me. I want to come." Sometimes they don't invite me, but you know, I'm doing my part. I love that. 

Tanya Hale 18:22 

Right. Is step up into saying, "Listen, this is what I want. And I'm going to, I'm going to ask for it." 

Jody Moore 18:27 

That's right. That's beautiful. So can we talk for a minute about just the fact that in our church, we value families so much and everything is centered around the family. And it's easy to go to church and look around and think everybody's family is perfect, but your own and everybody's marriage is happy, except your own. And I would imagine that's got to be a difficult part of divorce is navigating, you know, even I've watched some of my family and friends going through divorce and it's like time to send out the Christmas card. And do I send a picture with just me and my kids? Now I'm going to have to answer a bunch of questions. And I just feel like there's so many little rituals that are beautiful things that we do, but could be challenging as you're going through divorce. 

Tanya Hale 19:22 

Yeah, absolutely I think there are. I think there is still a lot of shame associated with divorce, even as prevalent as it is in our society. Over half of marriage end in divorce. And 67% of second marriage end in divorce. There's a lot of divorce in our society and it's amazing that there's still so much shame associated with it. Like, you did something wrong.What's the matter with you? Right? And maybe, and I know that it's not always the case, but a lot of times it feels like it when you're the single person. And you have a lot of those same questions regarding yourself. And yeah, we are in a society within our church culture that says "families are forever," right? We're supposed to make this work. And then when we don't, we do feel shame, like I'm doing something wrong. Am I not righteous enough? Am I not good enough? And, you know, for me, as, I worked through this process myself, in really coming to terms with, with who am I going to be when I'm divorced? And what does that mean? Does that mean that I'm a bad person? Does it mean I'm unrighteous? Does it mean that, you know, I'm mean, and having to work through all of that for myself, really helped whem I stepped into the power of, listen, this was the best choice for me. And I like my reasons for being where I am. And when I stepped into that space of empowerment, it really helped to soften the blow when other people didn't understand that. 

Tanya Hale 21:02 

And the thing is we have no idea what people are going through in their marriages. I actually just the other day had somebody say, "oh, I love this couple. They're so great and they're so strong. They're one of the best couples I know." And in my head, I'm thinking, "oh yeah, I've done some coaching there." It's a tough tough place. 

Jody Moore 21:19 

There's some things. I just think everybody has things that we don't know about it, nor do we need to know. But no marriage is perfect. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter what it looks like on Sunday in your church clothes. Like everybody has issues to work through, right? Some probably a surprising amount. 

Tanya Hale 21:39 

And more than we would think. Which is, you know what? It's not even our place to even stand back and start making those judgment calls. And it's so easy to do. And it's kind of what our brain likes to do. It likes to go into this place of judgment and trying to figure things out and creating stories for all the people that we see. And yet the more that we can stand back and just say, "you know what? I'm gonna take care of me right here." And if somebody's getting divorced, I'm gonna choose to show up as compassionate and kind and loving as I can. And I'm not gonna try and figure out why they're getting divorced. I'm not gonna try and figure out whose fault it is. Because that's none of my business. What is my business is how I show up. Am I supportive and loving and kind and non-judgmental? And I love that when I take that piece on, that my experience working with other people who are struggling in their marriages and maybe moving toward divorce, it totally changes my experience with them. And it changes their experience as well. To have someone who's not being all judge-y and trying to figure out who's at fault, right? 

Jody Moore 22:43 

That's right. Tanya, how do you think about the story of your marriage? Like, I'm just curious, I feel like we have this 

opportunity and this is something that you and I learned through our coach training, but we can think about the past in any  way we want and we can tell the story, at least in our minds, any way we choose to and that it's powerful, I think in a situation like this, to consciously choose how you tell that story to yourself. And I feel like with divorce, a lot of people aren't consciously choosing it. They think they're just telling me what happened, like "my marriage failed," for example, is what a lot of people will say or "he left me" or something like that. And I think there's an opportunity to consciously choose how you're gonna tell that story. And I'm curious if you've done that work or how you think about your situation. 

Tanya Hale 23:39 

Oh, yeah, I've absolutely done that work. 

Jody Moore 23:41 

I figured you had. 

Tanya Hale 23:43 

I don't know how we can come out the other side of this, a stronger, better person without doing that work. Because before I do that work, I'm powerless. And it's when I do that work of telling the story that I want to tell, I can look back and I, yeah, could I bring out all the tough things and all the struggles and all the fights? Absolutely, I could. But can I also come up with the lessons learned? Absolutely, I can do that. Can I talk about why I'm a better person now having gone through that? Absolutely, I can. I can pull out so many lessons. And I can say, how has this experience worked for me? And I think that's such a powerful question to start asking myself, because it gets me out of that victim mentality that I'm powerless against this divorce that happened. And it puts me in this place that says," listen, this was my experience." And for whatever reason, this is my experience. I don't know why, but this is the path that I've come through. And so what I get to do now with this is create what I want to out of it. 

Tanya Hale 24:54 

And yeah, where there are tough things, absolutely. But are there also amazing things that I've been able to learn from that experience. Yeah, I would I would say that the person that I am now would not have occurred had I not been through those 24 years of a tough marriage because of the lessons that I learned: how to be more independent, how to be strong, how to to be to persevere and be resilient. All those lessons that I learned over those years are now serving me incredibly well as a single woman. 

Jody Moore 25:27 

However old you were when you got married, how old were you? 

Tanya Hale 25:31 

I was 23. 

Jody Moore 25:33 

So if you could talk to your 23 year old self right now, right before she's going to get married. What would you tell her? 

Tanya Hale 25:41 

Oh, such a good question. I don't know that I would tell her to not get married. I think that I would say, "okay, girl, buckle up." Right? "It's going to be tough, but then you're going to come out the other side of this so much better. You're going to have some tough stuff, but girlfriend, this is an amazing opportunity for you to become the person that you need to become and to learn the lessons that you need to become." And at this stage in my life, in my fifties, I am in the best place in my life. I'm so happy with the person that I am and find so much satisfaction in the path that I'm on. And I would not be on this path without that path. And honestly, I think that had I been married to someone where we just had this amazing, loving, kind, beautiful kind of relationship, I don't think I would be as strong as I am. I don't think that I would be building a business. I don't think that I would be, I know I wouldn't be doing any of the things that I'm doing in my life right now, but that I feel so called and driven to do. So yeah, I would just tell her," buckle up girl, it's gonna be a ride, but you're gonna get off at the end and you're just gonna be so grateful for the person that you are when you get off." 

Jody Moore 27:03 

I love that you said that because I didn't know if you were gonna say that, but I hope you would. I just don't see any upside to regretting. I mean, regret is a natural thing that we all do to a certain extent, but like that marriage, no marriage is a failure, no relationship is a failure. There are just relationships just get to a point sometimes where they're complete. Some relationships are meant to last for eternity, but some are not, some are meant to complete themselves, at least in the 

version and the form that we know them. And because we can't go change the past, I would encourage anyone in a situation, whether it be divorce or anything else that you're looking back on your past thinking, "if I would have made a different choice, I might be in a different place," to get to the place that Tanya just described of, "listen, buckle up, it's gonna be quite a ride, but you can do it and you're gonna be so glad when you get to the other side because of the person you'll become." I mean, that's the way of it, right? 

Tanya Hale 28:07 

Right. Regardless of whether it's divorce or whether it's death or whether it's children making really tough decisions, I mean, regardless of what the ride is. 

Jody Moore 28:18 

That's right. 

Tanya Hale 28:19 

It gives us the opportunity to become the next best version of ourselves. 

Jody Moore 28:24 

Yeah. I always wish, I'm like, "why can't we just read a book and become the next version of ours?" I could listen to a podcast and become a better version of me, but nothing does it like that real life experience that's challenging and painful. 

Tanya Hale 28:39 

Right. I think it's because we get our emotions in it, right? And the emotions are what create the impetus for change. 

Jody Moore 28:47 

That's right. That's right. You're right. And emotions do it in a way that we don't even... I sometimes can't even put into words. I just feel myself changing and I can't even describe why or what's going on, which is kind of cool. So, Tanya, before we tell people where they can find you and get more help and resources that you have to offer, what advice would you give to somebody who is in the thick of this right now? Maybe they are just recently divorced or maybe it's not recent, but maybe... I've coached clients who it's been years and years and they just still feel stuck and can't move forward. What do you think is the best piece of advice that you could give somebody just to get them pointed in the right direction? 

Tanya Hale 29:38 

I think one of the first and best steps we can take is learning to be compassionate to ourselves. And realizing that, "you know what, did I make some mistakes? Absolutely. I made some mistakes, but that's part of my human experience." I'm never going to do it right all the time. And that's okay. That's part of what I'm here on earth to do is to make mistakes and to learn from them and to grow from them. And I think a lot of times when we hold onto it and why we get stuck is because we refuse to accept that we made mistakes and that we're in this place. And I think when we can really learn to be loving and kind and compassionate to ourselves, knowing that, you know, I did the best I knew how. I don't know anybody who had one struggle in their marriage and was like, "okay, that's it. I'm out of here. Alright?" Most so many of the people have, have really paid the price. You know, 24 years for me of trying everything I knew to make it work. But the thing is, I just didn't have the tools and neither did he. And so regardless of the fact that we were two good people trying everything we knew, we could not figure it out. We couldn't make it work. And guess what? That's okay. Because at the time I was doing the best I could, and when I can create that that space of compassion for me, I think that's the first step, this grace that I offer myself, the grace that says it's all, it's okay. Like, yes, it was tough. Yes, it was hard. But guess what? God knows that. Yeah. And He loves you regardless. And, and He knows that you did the best you could in that situation. And I think when we step into that compassion, that's the first step to starting to create space for growth and understanding. 

Jody Moore 31:30 

That's beautiful. I love that. And you've talked about shame quite a bit. You've talked about blame quite a bit. I always think of shame and blame as, like, twins. They just go together. It's just our brains looping on whose fault is this, that something's gone wrong. Is it his fault? Is it my fault? It's him because of all these things. Actually, it could be me also because of all these things. Underneath shame and blame lies the truth, which is actually nothing's gone wrong at all. We're just human beings having messy experiences and learning and growing and some marriages aren't meant to be forever. We can stop looking for blame or shame when we realize sometimes that's the way of it. Sometimes that's the journey, is to be with someone for 24 years and then realize that the path is meant to change now. I love that. 

Tanya Hale 32:25 

That was part of my experience when I was making that decision, right? Do I get divorced? Do I not? I was listening to an LDS psychologist and he made a comment like that. He said, maybe the reason, you know, maybe you did feel guided and directed by God to get married, but maybe God knew that only in this marriage could you become the person that you needed to become. And that it's okay now that you're getting divorced because God knew it wouldn't be a forever marriage. That's probably not true for everybody, but I know for me at that point I received such a strong spiritual conviction that, "oh, I think that that's mine." That was for me here. And that's when I realized that, you know what, it's okay to get divorced because maybe God knew that that mine was not going to last forever, but that that was my path to becoming the person that I needed to become. 

Jody Moore 33:17 

That's beautiful. 

Tanya Hale 33:17 

And I think that that's how it is for for a lot of us and I think sometimes our relationships do complete themselves. I've learned what God needs me to learn here and now there's something else, another place for me to start learning what I need to and to step into that next best version of me right. 

Jody Moore 33:33 

Esther Perrell talks about this, I don't know if you've listened to her at all, but she she talks about... like you said, it's such a complicated subject, like none of us could know what's right for anyone else we have to we have to be spiritual and align with how the spirits guiding us. But Esther Perrell talks about that "staying" is one of the new shames. Like, it used to be if you get divorced that's very shameful and that still exists in some people's minds but also you may be in a marriage where, again a spouse has been unfaithful or something else has gone on, and you might want to stay in that marriage, and sometimes people are offering shame around that. Like, how could you stay with someone who cheated on you? So I think what you're saying is really important, that we have to find those answers within us and align with with the spirit or whatever we happen to believe in. That's the only way that you find your path, so I love that. 

Jody Moore 34:35 

Alright, Tanya well gosh. I so appreciate your sharing your story and your message and the work that you're doing as a coach. Such an important space that you work in. How can people find you and get more help from you? 

Tanya Hale 34:48 

Alright, I've got a couple of options. I do have a podcast. It's called Intentional Living with Tanya Hale. And that's going to be anywhere you listen to your podcast. My website is Tanyahale.com. And I'm also on Facebook and Instagram under Tanya Hale LDS Life Coaching. 

Jody Moore 35:06 

Okay, perfect. Easy to find then. Everyone go check out Tanya and all the great things she's doing. And so fun having you in business minded. How's that going to you? 

Tanya Hale 35:17 

Oh, you know what? It's moved me into a space of action that I just was not into before, right? And so it's been such a great, great experience for me to put a lot of tools into action and to start creating more of what I want to create because this is my joy. I love this space of being able to help people find the peace and the direction that they're looking for. 

Jody Moore 35:42 

So great. I'm glad to hear that because I want to see you take action. I want to see your work get out there to all the people that need it. 

Tanya Hale 35:50 

Yeah, and a lot of us need it. 

Jody Moore 35:52 

Right. Yes. So many of us need it. Right. Yeah. Alright, Tanya, thank you so much. 

Tanya Hale 36:00 

Oh, thank you, Jody. It's been a pleasure. 

 Tanya Hale 36:04 

Alright. There we go, my friends. Hope you enjoyed that. I really enjoyed having that opportunity to be on that podcast with Jody. Here's the thing: divorce can be tough. I get it. I've been there and I work with a lot of clients who are divorced, probably two thirds of my clients are divorced clients. And we work through some tough stuff, but I love working in this arena. I love helping clients who are working through the emotional space of being divorced. And I just think there's so much potential to move into an amazing space after a divorce. And so this is what I do. 

Tanya Hale 36:43 

If you know someone who is getting divorced, someone who is thinking about divorce, someone who is recently divorced, or even a long term divorce, and they are still working through the process of trying to get to a really good emotional space, coaching would be a great, great option for them. And I would suggest, share this podcast. There's some great information on here that I think can give a lot of people hope that there is a better space at the end of this and that it won't always be horrible. It's a tough circumstance, to be sure, but it's a place where we can come out of it better than we went in. And I think it's a brilliant opportunity for growth. So there we go. So it's going to do it for me this week. 

Unknown speaker 37:34 

If you have not left me a review for this podcast, I would love it if you would take just a couple minutes, go on to Apple or Spotify, and leave a review. What that does is it allows other people to find this content because it will pop up as something that they may be interested in, and that will help other people to learn tools that can help them to engage in their lives in a way that's going to feel more in alignment with who they really are and create the kind of life that they really want. Okay, that's going to do it for me, my friends. I love you. Thank you so much for being here, and I will talk to you next week. Bye.