00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 207, "Greatest Hits - The Right Path." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Well, hello there, my friends, and welcome back to the podcast, or welcome to the podcast if this is your first time. So glad to have you here. Right now I am going back and sharing with you some of the podcasts that I just refer to the most often in what I do and some of the ones that have had the greatest impact on my life as I have worked to move myself into a better space, a space where I really show up the kind of person that I want to, the kind of person that builds healthy relationships and moves out of those unhealthy patterns of behavior that we tend to accumulate over the years and trying to create new things. And so this is one that I really like. It's called "The Right Path" and I like this because this is a big thing for me. I was always a "right pather" kind of person and I have found myself in previous years being able to shift away from that. Do I still sometimes think I'm right? Yes. Do I still sometimes want to make other people see that I'm right? Absolutely. I do. But I see myself moving out of this more and more and showing up more. Alright. 

01:30 

Well, hello there. Welcome to the podcast today. This is Tanya. So happy to have you with me. We are a couple of weeks into COVID-19 isolationism and so I'm recording this about two weeks out. I just have to say, you know, I think that the overall hysteria that was going on is starting to really settle down and I'm seeing people really stepping into "what can I really learn here? What can I accomplish? What can I do? How can I make this work?" And I love to see the resiliency of people. I think people are just amazing, aren't they? Just how resilient they can be and how wonderful they can be. So anyway, loving that. But along with that, I am also offering a lot of free coaching. I've opened up a lot more time slots to do free coaching right now because I know that a lot of people are struggling with certain aspects of this, and it's okay. Whatever you're going through is okay. Sometimes we just need to work through it and figure out where those feelings are coming from because what you're feeling is not wrong. But it's really important to understand how we are creating those feelings. Then we can decide whether we want to keep them or not. 

02:50 

But that's one thing that I do with coaching that I love so much. I love that I really help people to take responsibility. for what they're feeling and what they're experiencing. And I do that by helping you to discover the thoughts that are creating the feelings in your life. And it's really quite a brilliant process. So if you have ever thought that, you know what, I think, I wonder what a coaching session would be like? This is a perfect time for you. Perfect time because I've got a lot more openness in my schedule and I would love to do some coaching with you. So you can get on my Facebook page, which is Tanya Hale LDS Life Coaching. Or you can go to my website, which is tanyahale.com. And both of those have a place where you can access my calendar and sign up for a time that we can meet. And I would love, love that. So take a minute and do that if that's something that you're interested in. 

03:44 

Okay, so today we are talking about the right path. Because we all know that there is one, right? Well, at least there's somewhat of a right path. I know we can all agree on that one. Okay, but what if we're wrong? It's entirely possible we could be wrong, you know? I think growing up, I heard the phrase, "the straight and narrow path" and assumed it meant that there was one right path. And when I added in The Book of Mormon vision of the Tree of Life and the path that led to it, it increased the visual in my head of there being one right path. And in my mind, I saw everyone walking and struggling to get to the same place, the same path, like these hordes of people in my mind, all trying to gather on this one path so that from that point, they could move forward on the right path to get through the gate and enter into eternal life, right? But I've had some experiences in previous years and more recently in this last month or so that have caused me to re-look at the way I see this path to God. 

04:53 

The first experience happened probably seven or eight years ago and I don't remember specifically about what brought this experience on. But I remember very clearly having a sort of a vision. Okay, now I'm definitely not one of those visionary people. I think some people are, I think that's kind of cool, but I'm not one of those. But I saw this so clearly in my mind and in my heart that to me it kind of feels like my own kind of vision. So what I saw was Christ, but he was kind of in the middle of nothing. There wasn't any scenery. It's not like he was in the forest or on the beach or anywhere. He was just out by himself, like he was in space or someplace like that, right? But what I saw was that leading to him from every possible direction were different paths with a different person on each path. Now, if paths are coming from every possible direction, that means there can be an infinite number of paths leading to Christ. And what came so clearly to my heart and my mind was the immediate understanding that everyone was headed toward Christ, even though they were all on different paths. Someone who was approaching Christ from the exact opposite direction as me was still heading toward Christ. So in that case, if I was heading north, they would have been heading south. And yet, we were both still heading toward Christ. 

06:22 

Now, this may seem a little bit simplistic to some of y'all, but for me at that time, it surprised and shocked me. Because as I stated earlier, I had been living my life with the belief that everyone had to be on the exact same path. And this little experience that I had taught me that what I had been believing my whole life was not necessarily true, that there was a new way to look at it. And this became even more clear to me a few years later when I interacted with a friend, who's an amazing person, and they had struggled for many years with drug use and with suicidal tendencies and even many attempts at suicide. And yet, at this point in this person's life, they were drawing so close to Christ. In fact, I felt this person was so much closer to Christ than I was because of the humility their situation had brought them to. And also because of the compassion for other people that they possessed because of their experiences. They were capable of extending a Christlike love and acceptance that I was not even close to understanding yet. This person's path was heading straight toward Christ. 

07:35 

And then I would look at this other couple that I know, this really wonderful couple I know. They are strong in the gospel and some of the most Christlike people I know and they're just amazing. And the husband had "strayed from the path" when he was younger. So he left the Church and he participated in some pretty raucous behavior. I'm sure his parents were praying mightily that he would find his way back to the path back to Christ. So while this amazing man was walking his own path away from the church, he met this amazing woman and she was not a member of the Church and, in fact, having been raised in Utah, she had some bad feelings and ideas about the church. And these two ended up getting married and they continued to live a somewhat raucous lifestyle. Whatever that means, right? Okay, so they had some kids and then this man decided he wanted to start going back to church and this didn't sit so well with his wife, especially when he started taking their children and their oldest wanted to get baptized. So the wife insisted that she take the missionary discussions with their oldest child so that she could know what was being taught. And wouldn't you know it? She gained a testimony and decided to get baptized. And now you look at this couple and you're blown away by how spectacular they are. Probably always were, right? And how stalwart they are in living the gospel. 

09:02 

And so here's the question I asked myself. Was this man ever really on the wrong path? Maybe he was on the exact path he needed to be on in order to pick up his wife and help her to find her own testimony. And maybe her path was the exact one she needed to be on so their paths could intersect and they could meet. Everything about their paths seem to be exactly right so that they could both embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ. But how easy it can be to stand outside and judge the paths that they were on. It can be so easy to pray that they will find the right path that we may even find it easy to say that they were able to find the right path when they came into the gospel. So from seeing this couple, I could totally look at them and appreciate that paths can take us different places and lead us to Christ. And that helped to expand my view of this right path. 

10:05 

And yet I still had ideas in my head about there being a right path. And this is something I love so much about life and about seeking to understand how to be more Chris-like and seeking to apply the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. I love that line upon line God gives us insight to help us grow and understand. And this is why I love growing up so much. This is why this middle-aged gig is so freaking amazing to me, because so many things we learn in life come after years and years of foundation building. And then we get to this point that we see start to see what is being built. We get to the point where we can start to really see what God wants us to know. And that's where I believe I am with this concept, or at least seeing a little bit more, right? I'm sure that there's still a lot more for me to learn. So here I am at this point, thinking that I'm getting this "everybody has their own path" concept, and I am. I've learned to be much more accepting of people where they are.  I'm so much less judgmental than I used to be. And I appreciate the growth I've had in this area in the last eight years or so. 

11:19 

And then I recently had another experience that helps me to understand this right path concept even more. I have some people in my life whom I love very much. And in my mind, they seem to be a little bit lost. They seem to really be struggling to find their way, to find peace and direction, so I would pray for them. I would pray that they could find the right path that would bring them to a place of living and loving the gospel, to the right path that would bring them happiness and connection with others and contentment with their lives. And that is such a lovely thought, isn't it? That I would really want these people to have better lives and live closer to Christ and that I would be praying for that, for them. But this is what can be so tricky in our day-to-day thoughts. There are thoughts that can sound so lovely. They can sound like I'm loving and Christlike and I'm just such a good person. And yet they can still be totally off base. 

12:22 

So one day, a little over a month ago, I was given an insight during a Relief Society meeting. Relief Society is a women's meeting at church. And this insight opened up my view and my understanding a little bit more. I was thinking about these people in my life and about how I pray regularly for them, that they can find the right path. And I received the thought that maybe they are already 100% on the right path. Maybe this is the exact place they need to be right now and it's 100% perfect for them. So this thought caused me to stop a little bit in my own path, right? Of course, I already knew that everyone had a different path, but seeing it in this particular context readjusted my vantage point. And I started to see it very differently. I really started to understand that it wasn't about them being on a different path. It was about them learning what they need to on the current path that they are on. Because this current path is their perfect path. It is their right path. It is exactly where they need to be. And what I felt I needed to be praying for was that they would learn the lessons available to them while on their current path. And that's a very different thing to pray for than that they should learn, figure out how to get on the right path. And here's my biggest aha in this situation. I realized that as long as I was praying for them to find the right path, and again, doesn't that just sound so sweet and lovely and Christlike of me, right, but as long as I was praying for them to find the right path, in my mind and in my heart, I was believing that they were on the wrong path. I was judging their path, and in judging their path, I was judging them. 

14:22 

And we all know how well that goes over. We talked several weeks ago about how the tone we use conveys so much information that our words don't. While underlying all of my sweet, kind thoughts of praying for them to find the right path, I was judging them for being on the wrong path. And I know darn well that it was coming across in my tone and in my communication with them. Underneath all of the Christlike clothing was a person who believed herself to know better than them and also know better than God. I was thinking in my mind that they were wrong and I was right. I was tapping into my pride to think that I was better than them because of the path I was on and because of the path that they were on, which was the wrong one, right? And this realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw so clearly my own sin here, which I had been oblivious to before. I had been so focused on their sin, on their being on the wrong path, that I was not seeing my own sin of judging and being prideful. I was so concerned about their path that I was not seeing my own missteps on my own path. And yet my path is perfect also because I had something to learn there. I needed to learn about my own pride and how it was keeping me from moving toward Christ on my own path. 

15:58 

So I'm learning some beautiful things here. Everyone's path is the right path because if a person learns what that path has for them to learn, they will move closer to Christ. I'm learning that I need to mind my own path and let others mind theirs. As Christ taught this scripture in the New Testament in Matthew 7: 3-5, starting in verse three, he says, "and why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" Verse four, "or how will thou say to thy brother, 'let me pull out the mote out of thine eye, and behold, the beam is in mine own eye.'" Verse 5, "Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye, and then shall thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." This scripture became so much more clear to me about minding my own business. I have things to learn on my own path. I have so much to learn on my own path. And I get the feeling that I'm just starting to tap into the treasure trove of judgmental and unkind and unChristlike thoughts in my head that I'm not even aware of yet. And I will never get rid of all of these beams in my lifetime. It will never be time for me to cast the mote out of my brother's eye because I will be struggling with my own beams my whole life. The insight that I gained into my own pride in this one situation was huge and I'm starting to see it for how widespread it is in my life. 

17:43 

So a mentor of mine named Brooke Castillo says that "when we see something like this, that it is a microcosm for everything else going on in our lives." So when I look at the level of pride going on here, the deep-seated pride, the judgment of thinking that I knew what was right for these people. And then when I start to apply that pride to other areas in my life, I can see how true Brooke's statement is. This piece of pride is a microcosm for everything else going on in my life. When I look at my struggle to connect to others, I can see it rooted in pride. When I look at my challenge to feel negative emotion, it too is rooted in the same element of pride. So am I on the right path? You bet. My right path. Because if I am willing to open myself up to being taught, I can learn exactly the things that I need to learn to become more Christlike, to become more the kind of human that I want to be while I am on my path. My path was uniquely chosen just for me because of my strengths and my weaknesses. My path is perfect. It's perfect for me. The lessons I will learn on this path will be exactly what I need to learn to grow in the ways that will most benefit me. And if I can really, truly learn this lesson this time, I can be much less judgmental of others because I can know and believe that their paths are perfect for them. I may not understand their path. I may not see what is so important about their path. But it's not really for me to understand and see, is it? It's not my path. Learning to let go of this idea that I can be all-knowing at some level about another person's path is an important step for me in dealing with my own pride. 

19:44 

Learning to embrace that everyone's path is perfect for them is a great step forward. Every piece of their path is perfect, even if I don't get it. Probably especially if I don't get it. And for me, learning to let go of the need to control that paths of people I love is a hard thing. I'm sure there are many of you out there for whom it's easy, but I'm struggling still to learn this lesson. But I'm learning it a piece at a time, right? Allowing the people I love to learn what they can learn from their perfect path, that is different than my perfect path, is a big step for me in growing up. And I love that I have built enough foundation that God could now show me this new insight and that it would make sense to me, that I can actually see it and acknowledge it. And that's exciting for me. 

20:44 

So here's the challenge for many of us. Embracing the idea that our paths are the perfect path. Embracing the idea that the paths of others are the perfect path as well, even though they may be very different than ours. And isn't it beautiful that two very different paths can both be perfect? My path is the right path. Your path is the right path. And their path is the right path. And they're all very different. I love this middle age growing up, don't you? I love getting to a place where I have enough foundation built that God can start to show me how to move into a better version of myself, how to be a better human, how to be a better child and a better disciple. Love it. Okay, my friends, that's gonna do it for me today. 

21:43 

If you are loving this podcast, if it's helping you, please share it with someone else that you feel could benefit from these concepts. I feel like I've learned some things these last several years that have made my life so much more richer and so much deeper. And I want to share this with people who are on a path of learning this as well. This is good stuff. I love it and it makes our lives a lot more rich. And I just, I want us to all be better and be healthier mentally and emotionally in our own way and learn the things that we need to learn. So share this with someone if you haven't and if you're loving it. Okay, and again please don't forget if you would love a coaching session, oh I love them so much. I love doing them and I would love to coach you. Okay, so take a minute and get either on my Facebook page Tanya Hale LDS Life Coaching or on my website tanyahale.com and you can sign up for that free coaching session. That's going to do it. Have an awesome awesome day my friends and I'll talk to you later. 

22:59 

That's one of my favorite podcasts because it has really helped me to be more accepting and more loving and more kind, which is exactly the kind of person that I want to be. And especially as I move into middle-age and everything shifts, I see things so much more differently and I understand so much more clearly the kind of person that I want to be and this is why I love growing up into middle age because the person that I'm becoming now is unbelievable to me. And not that I'm perfect, by any means, and not that I'm even close, but I see myself moving into spaces that before I just did not even know existed and I love it so much 

23:42 

Okay, if this is a concept that intrigues you, if any of these concepts enter you and you think that you would like to Talk to me about coaching and about how coaching could work for you to help you become more the kind of person You want to be and  step into the kind of life that you want to have let's chat you can go to tiny hell calm you can set up a free consult there and We can chat we can talk about how How coaching works and how we can help you move into your best Self the best self that you've had thus far. 

24:15 

It's a great great space to be and I hope to see you soon talk to you later. Bye.

Thank you so much for joining me today If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.