00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 150, "Living in Possibility." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:20 

Hey there, welcome back my friends to the podcast. I was thinking just a little bit before I started this about the title of my podcast, "Intentional Living," and how much I love the concept of living intentionally. I think it's so so easy for us to move into a space of just taking it as it comes. John Maxwell has a quote that says, "most people don't lead their lives, they accept their lives." And that's been a quote that has influenced me and impacted me for a lot of years. I think about how easy it is to just do life. Right? Just let it come. Take it as it comes. Accept things that happen and don't question them and don't question my ability to create something different. And so I love this idea of intentionally creating what I want in living with intention with an end goal, with a desire within, an understanding of what I want to accomplish and creating it for myself rather than just letting life throw things at me. And I'm just constantly living in the defensive space. I want to be able to move into an offensive space in my life and create what I feel driven to create. And I think that that's kind of has led into today's topic of living in possibility. 

01:48 

I've recently had a shift. I used to think a lot about my potential as a person. And I've realized that when I move into thinking, "well, I have to fulfill my potential. I have all this potential, it's important for me to move into this." I found that that word for me, "potential," is very heavy with responsibility. I feel weighed down when I think about my potential and think about what I'm supposed to create. It becomes one of those "should" words, right? Like I "should" be reaching my potential, and it feels very heavy to me. And I recently was reading a talk and they use the word possibility and I was like, "what is that word?" And it's not like it's a brand new word in our vocabulary, but in the mindset that I was in that day and reading that talk, I was so intrigued with the word "possibility" because when I put that up against "potential," "possibility" feels energized with hope. It feels like there is so much amazing future ahead of me. It feels more future-focused, where potential sometimes kind of feels present-focused for me, heavy with the responsibility of having to do that. But "possibility" feels light and airy to me and that there is hope there. There's hope for movement, hope for growth, and what I see in my imagined and my unimagined future, hope, possibility kind of contains all of that things that I can imagine in my mind and things that I don't even know are going to exist yet. And for me, possibility is believing in something that I don't yet know or understand. I may have this imagined future, but have no idea how to get there, no understanding of what it's going to create or an unimagined future, things that I didn't even know existed. 

03:54 

Three years ago, I had never listened to a podcast. I didn't even know they existed, to be honest with you. And here I am three years later with over two years of podcasting under my belt, as well as a lot listened to. I've listened to so many podcasts, but look at this possibility of what we can move into. So the first question I started to think is when do we let go of dreaming about our own possibility? I remember being a young child and feeling like I could do anything I wanted to. If I wanted to ride my bike off that jump, by golly, I was riding my bike off that jump. There was not even...it just didn't cross my mind. If I wanted to play a sport in high school, I tried out for the sport in high school. The possibility was always there. I remember graduating from high school and the possibilities seemed endless. I felt like I could go and do and be whatever I wanted. It just seemed like any step that I took was going to move me into this amazing world of possibility. 

05:04 

And then I remember being newly married and I remember all of the hopes and dreams and feeling like nothing could stop me, this is gonna crack you up, but like that relationship was the answer to all of life's problems. It just seemed like that was the possibility, that together we would be able to conquer anything. I think some of you probably felt that same way, right? Then graduating from college for me, being a teacher, and I felt like I could change the world. The possibility that I could influence lives and that those lives would go out and change the world was amazing to me and it just seemed like I lived in so much possibility. And then shortly after, my own possibility seemed to take a backseat to my husband's possibility as he  moved into a career, and then my children's possibility as I moved into full-time parenting. It seemed like I stopped thinking about my own possibility and what I was capable of creating and contributing to the world outside of my family. 

06:21 

I got very focused, which was a great place for me to be, and I don't negate the influence that I had in my home. I don't begrudge those years spent as a stay-at-home mom at all. I loved it, but I lost my own possibility during those years. And I think that very often we as women are socially conditioned to put ourselves second or third or fourth. And I'm not sure that this is right. I'm really having some issues with this in my life in looking at what we do to women and how we oftentimes degrade women by telling them that they are less important than their husband or their children. And not saying that they're more important either, but I think we are all important and we need to put ourselves more on an equal plane. But socially conditioned, I put myself not on an equal plane. I put my needs and my potential, my possibility below those of the people that I was living with. 

07:25 

So now I hit middle-age, we hit middle-age, here we are. And where are we with belief in our own possibility? It's a good question, right? Like, what do I believe when I start, when my life starts shifting and I start going through this, what I call middle-aged puberty, right? Everything starts changing. Our hormones are changing all over again. Our relationships are changing, our children move out and go away, and for me I'm left, you know, by myself in my home. Not quite yet, I still have two daughters here, but they're grown up and doing their adult thing. So kind of don't have any responsibility with them. Or you're left at home with a spouse whom you may or may not have a great relationship with this at this point. Our careers, our lives, our drives, our desires change a lot of times. We just go "I don't know what I want. Haven't thought about what I've wanted for so many years." 

08:27 

So here we are in middle age and the question is: What is your possibility? What is possible for you for the next several decades and I thought about this in several areas. So like myself, do I trust myself enough to move into possibility? Do I have my own back? Do I have what it takes to do what is necessary to be successful? Questions that I ask myself and I think I've moved into this a lot this week because I'm anticipating a fairly large change in my life and a lot of this change is going to require letting go of some safety and security that I have had and moving into the possibility of me trusting myself, believing in my own possibility to create and do what I want to do. And I'll tell you what, I got some coaching on it this morning because it's scary to me to move into this place of trusting me to move myself into my own possibility. So myself, where am I with myself and my own possibility? 

09:44 

What about our relationships? What is possible with our relationships? Do we see the possibility of what we could create or have we given up hope? Possibility gives us hope. Sometimes we're in relationships and we don't see any way to fix them. We don't see any way to move them into a better space. But what if we could? What if we could see the possibility of what we could create? We may not know the "how" right now, but what if we could create in our mind and on our heart the possibility? Whether that's a relationship with a spouse, whether it's with parents, whether it's with our own children, whoever. Do we see the possibility of what we could create and are we willing to start moving toward that possibility? Because you know what, both new and existing relationships require vulnerability. You know, for me as I look at creating a relationship with someone that I could marry and move into that space. That's a new relationship that requires a lot of vulnerability. But it requires a lot of vulnerability as well if you are in an existing relationship that is challenging, and moving into that vulnerable space of what is it going to take to change the trajectory of this relationship and to create more of what I want to create. 

11:06 

So relationships are a place where we get to look at the possibility of what we want. What about our future? What could I create if I believed in my own possibility? Here's a question that intrigued me as I thought about it this morning. What does God believe about our possibility? I know that as a parent, when I held those little babies, the things that I thought about their possibility were endless. I looked at them and just thought they could do and be anything they wanted. They could be the person who changes the world for the better. My belief in their possibility was huge. And now here I am, you know, 25 years later, I have adult kids, all my children are adults. What do I believe now about their possibility? Exactly the same. I see them, all four of them, being on the threshold of their whole lives. Like, they are in a space where they can go and do and be anything that they want. I totally believe that they are possible of amazing, great, brilliant things for them. Whatever  that means, and it's going to mean something different for each one of them. But I totally believe in their possibility. 

12:30 

I believe God as our parent, I believe that He sees not only the present us, but also the possible us. He knows our possibility. He sees our possibility. He wants us to be able to attain our possibility. And what if we could learn to see ourselves the way that God sees us? Because even with our flaws, with our sins, with our weaknesses, God sees our possibility. What if we could see our flaws, our sins, and our weaknesses, and still see and embrace our possibility? Wouldn't that be brilliant? It would be such an amazing place to be. 

13:17 

So I got certified through the Life Coach School. The woman who started that, her name is Brooke Castillo, and I adore her. I definitely look at her as one of my greatest mentors as far as business goes and as far as what I can create. And I love that her whole mission in life is to be an example of what's possible. And she's done some amazing things in every area of her life, but she wants to show other women what is possible. And I love that concept of tapping into the idea of what is possible. Brooke wants to show us an example of what is possible as a woman. And we get the opportunity to start asking ourselves what is possible for me. What are my possibilities? Because here's the thing, my friend, middle-age is not the end of our lives. I know a lot of people who think middle-age is the time to buy a rocker and stick it on the porch. And I can't buy into that at all. Middle-age is not the end. There's a reason it's called "middle." We're only halfway there, right? Middle life, there is possibility for the next 20, 30, 40 years. And what if instead of thinking that we're slowing down and going downhill, what if we started looking at this point of what we want to create for those next several decades? Not just with our lives, like "I want to do this and do this and go here and here's my bucket list," but what about if we really started looking what we wanted to create in ourselves? What kind of person do we truly want to become? How do we want to show up? 

15:07 

I know for many years I've looked and I've just kind of watched all people as they get older and I see some people who get so grumpy and ornery as old women. And I've always thought "that's not what I want to be. That's not what I want to become." I don't want to become an entitled old lady who thinks because I'm old I can say whatever I want and people just have to put up with it. I want to become a woman who people look to as also an example of what's possible as we get older. I don't think that becoming a grumpy old lady is my great possibility. I think my greatest possibility is to become someone, who until the day I die, makes a difference in this world and contributes in a way that makes the world a better place. So that when I die, people aren't going "whoo glad that's over." I want, when I die, for people to say "that was brilliant. I'm so glad she was a part of my life." That's the place I want to go. 

16:17 

So how do I create that? How do I create that? Possibility of what I could become. So I thought of five things we can do, not inclusive by any means. These are just five things off the top of my head that I came up with. So number one, if I'm going to step into my greatest possibility, I have to be willing to be wrong. I have to realize that I am not my actions. I heard a quote a few weeks ago that I've spent so much time contemplating. It says "my actions don't determine what I'm allowed to think about myself." My actions are not the end all. My actions are just one thing that comes along that create a circumstance, and I get to create whatever I want. My actions are not my end all. Right? I am not my actions and I can be wrong. I can do actions that are wrong and I can fix them. This is the brilliance of the Atonement, right? And realizing as well in that my beliefs are often not on point. I'm finding a lot of things that I believe that are not true. Just because my brain has thought them over and over and over and created a belief does not mean that that belief is true. How many people believe that they are worthless? That's a completely inaccurate thought that is not on point. Nobody is worthless and yet how many people believe that we have to be willing to be wrong to look at our thoughts and our beliefs and recognize that they're not right. 

17:53 

The second thing I came up with was we need to be willing to be scared and do it anyway. I worked with a client on this just last week. She was trying to work through some stuff and we talked about using the thought "I'm scared and that's okay. It's okay to be scared." We don't have to be fearless. We just have to be courageous. Fear is normal. Fear is our primitive brain saying "whoa, I don't know what's going on here. Whoa, this is kind of scary because I've never done this before." Well great. Of course we're scared. Of course there's fear when there's something we haven't done. We're supposed to be scared when it's something we haven't done. That's our brain protecting us. Thank you, primitive brain, for protecting me and for putting up some caution signs. But guess what? I can be scared and that's okay. I just need to be courageous. I just need to move into doing something I haven't done. 

18:55 

Number three, be willing to be uncomfortable. We talked about this last week, but discomfort is the currency of growth. If I'm not willing to feel uncomfortable, I'm going to stay stuck. I will not move into my possibility. 

19:14 

Number four, I have to be willing to have my own back. I have to realize that as much as there are people in my life that I love and they love me, everybody is up to their eyeballs in their own life and and I have to have my own back. Because even the people I love the most will not always be there for me. Not that they don't love me, not that they're not amazing people, but they just won't. You know, I remember one time when something really big and traumatic had happened in my life, I walked down a couple of doors to one of my best friend's house, needing to talk to her about it so badly. And she opened the door and she was sobbing and something had gone on in her life that was huge and she needed to talk. And I didn't even get a chance to tell her what I was going through because hers was dealing with some suicide and those kinds of things which, you know, mine was a big deal to me. But at that point she needed a lot of support as well. And I had to have my own back at that time. As much as this friend loved me and we relied and depended upon each other, she wasn't there at that time to have my back. And I needed to have my own back on that situation. And so sometimes we have to be willing to do that and realize that it's okay. It's okay to have our own back. And if I have my own back, then when other people have it, it's a huge bonus and blessing. But I can still be strong on my own. 

20:56 

Number five, be willing to believe in your own possibility, even if you can't see it. Even if you're struggling to think that there is possibly something greater and better and more enriching for you. Even if you can't see it, the possibility is there. And the how of how to create that possibility is very often elusive. Most often we're not going to know the how. We have a dream, we have a desire, and we have no idea how to get it. That's okay. It's kind of like a GPS system on our phone, right? I love that when I put in an address, it will just tell me, "head straight on this road." That's it. It gives me one step at a time. And then as I get close to the next point, then it will say, "turn left on this road." And then I turn left and it'll say, "go straight." And I'm like, "okay, I'll go straight." And I trust this GPS system. It doesn't give me all 32 steps of how to get to my destination at once. I don't know the how. The GPS does not give me all of the how at once. It gives me one step at a time. And this is what moving into our possibility is about, is one step at a time. We don't know the how to get there, but we can start moving. And have you noticed your GPS really doesn't start talking to you very much until you start moving your car? I think that's pretty fascinating. Once I start moving the car, the GPS kicks in. Not until. 

22:34 

So this is the thing. It is so easy to get stuck in emotional childhood where we don't take responsibility for what's happened in our lives, we don't take responsibility for our emotions, for our thoughts. But here's the thing, my friends, we are responsible for not just our life right now, but for our possibility. We are responsible to move into that possibility. And hopefully we do it with love and excitement and hope. But this possibility is not going to fall into our laps. We have to create it. We have to seek it out. We have to desire it and crave it. Possibility is filled with hope, a belief that there is more. Whatever that more is for you in your life, it could be more love, more fulfillment, more intimacy, more money, more compassion, more friendship, more contribution, possibility is a belief that there is more. 

23:43 

When we live in possibility as well, we are not necessarily happy. Think about what happy creates. Happy comes, when I feel happy, the actions that are created that is taking a break, resting a bit, I have very little motivation to grow or to change. We don't necessarily want to be happy all the time, right? Because happy is great for a breather, but it's not great for moving us forward. It tends to be kind of a stagnant emotion to feel. Living in possibility is a place of gratitude for where we are, satisfaction for how we've gotten to be where we are, and hope for being able to go somewhere else in the future that will have even more stuff for us. So we want to kind of get out of this content, little happy place, and we want to move into a place of possibility. I just keep loving that word, right? God wants us to live in hope. He wants us to live in possibility. Remember this thought that with God, all things are possible. And I truly believe that if we can dream it, if we have desires for it, that it is possible for us to achieve it. I believe that our desires and our dreams are the seeds of possibility for us. They are spiritual nudges of what we can create, of what we can become, and what we can do. So paying attention to our desires and our dreams is one of the biggest indicators of our possibility, of what we can contribute to this world. Desires and dreams are the seeds of possibility. But working through our own fears, with regards to our desires and dreams, is huge. 

25:47 

And this is where coaching can help. So as I alluded to before, I have desires and dreams that I'm working on, and I'm looking at making a big switch, a big change in my life. And I got some coaching this morning because there were things that I was not seeing, things that I needed help understanding and working through my own fears with regards to these desires and dreams. And the coaching was a brilliant step for to help me do that. It helped me to get on the path of my possibility, of my God-given possibility. And what I want for you is for you to be able to do the same thing, to get on the path of your possibility, your God-given possibility, what God knows that you are capable of. This path will help you to contribute at a level you've been unable to as of yet. When we move into that possibility, we will grow and we will enlarge ourselves and our ability to contribute. We will be able to do things that we have not been able to do yet. We will be able to be an instrument in God's hand in a way that we haven't been able to as of yet. And we will be able to find fulfillment and satisfaction in a way that we haven't been able to yet. Living in possibility is an amazing place to be. Being on the path of possibility is exactly where we want to be. Because guess what? Middle-age is not over. Middle-age is just halfway through my friends. We've got a lot to do and a lot of amazing things to accomplish yet. Don't give up. Don't sit down in that rocking chair yet. Don't do it. Get up. Let's do this thing, right? Let's grow up into the person that it is possible for us to be. 

27:53 

If you need help stepping into your possibility, this is what I'm here for. Go to tanyahale.com. You can book a 30 minute free consult. We can talk about how to start moving you forward into your possibility so that you can find a satisfaction and a joy and a level of intimacy with your God, with yourself, and with others that you have not been able to create yet. That is going to do it for me. My friends have a really, really fabulous week and I will talk to you next time. Bye. 

28:31 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya!