00:00 

Hey there, this is Tanya Hale with Intentional Living and this is episode number 132, "How to Have a Happy New Year." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:22 

Well hello, my friends, and welcome to the podcast today. Happy to have you here. For those of you who are new, welcome. I hope that you find some great stuff here that helps you to move into a better version of yourself, help you learn how to create the kind of life that you want to have. For those of you who have been with me for some time, thank you for coming back and thank you so much for sharing. I love to see the growth and the progress that is happening here for my business because I know that that means that more people are finding information that is helping them and helping them to grow. So that's what I want to do here is give you all of this great content that helps you move into a better space. 

01:07 

So let's jump in today's topic, how to have a happy new year. Alright, we talk a lot this time of year. Everybody's like, "happy new year, happy new year," right? How do we create that? Because it doesn't just happen. So I've been thinking so much lately about the word "happiness." We use it so much in American culture. We say things like happy birthday, happy Valentine's Day, as we just talked about happy new year, happy any day, any holiday, really, right? Happy seems to be our go to desire for all things. We want everyone to be happy. We just want to be happy, right? We talk about happy babies and happy children and that a happy wife leads to a happy life, which is actually a phrase I absolutely detest by the way, but we use phrases like happily ever after and happy go lucky and happy camper. We seem to have this fixation on being happy. And I've noticed lately that how we often use happy in our culture is not the way that the prophets and that God use happy in the scriptures. Our happy seems to be a place of ease, a place where all is going well, where nothing irritates us, nothing makes life difficult. Our happy comes with a lot of ideas about no struggles, no challenges, no frustrations. Everything is going exactly according to plans. 

02:42 

And yet I've recently come across a couple of scriptures from The Book of Mormon that shows how happiness is used there. The way God uses it is a very different way than how we tend to use happiness in our culture. So let's start off with 2nd Nephi 5:20. So here Nephi and his people have recently separated from Laman and Lemuel because of all the discontent going on there. So in verse 14, it talks about how they're making swords and how they're preparing for war. In verses 15 through 17 it talks about how they are working so hard, they're being very industrious, and they're building up their city, and they're building a temple. In verse 25 the Lord lets them know that the Lamanites will be troubling them for a long time, and then in verse 27 Nephi reports that they lived after the manner of happiness. Alright, so very interesting, correct? Right? Everything was not peachy. Everything was not easy. They were preparing for war. They were making weapons. They had this enemy out there that they always had to be on the lookout for. Being told by the Lord that they would that these enemies would always be a scourge to them even until it would bring about their own destruction. And yet they lived after the manner of happiness. Happiness for them was not that everything was going smoothly. They were not living in ease and in peace. They did have to work hard to build their city and to provide for themselves, right? So that's one example. 

04:19 

Let me share another Book of Mormon example. This one is in Alma 50 verse 23, and it states there was never a happier time among the people of Nephi since the days of Nephi, which I believe it's referring back to this previous time we just mentioned, than in the days of Moroni. Okay, but let's take a look at what was going on during this time. This is Captain Moroni's time. So if you're familiar with The Book of Mormon, you know that it was a time of great war. At this point, the Nephites had been at war for several years with the Lamanites. Things were not easy. In verse 21, Mormon, who is writing the account here says that there were contentions, murderings, plundering, idolatry, whoredoms, and abominations among the people. I think many of us could go, "whoa, that sounds a little bit like our day. Sounds a little bit like 2020." And then Mormon reminds us that those who were faithful in keeping the commandments were delivered. And then in the verse I mentioned above, verse 23, he states, I've already read but I'll read it again, "there was never a happier time among the people of Nephi since the days of Nephi than in the days of Moroni." 

05:37 

So how is this possible? How can there be so much contentions, so much strife, so much war and death and wickedness, and yet there could be so much happiness that he would say there was never a happier time? I truly believe it is because our circumstances do not create our happiness. In the Nephi example, it talks about how industrious the people were. They were working hard to create a life that they desired, working hard to create these cities, right, to build them. They were building a city and a temple and they were striving to be righteous. In the Moroni example, the same type of thing is happening. Earlier in the Alma chapter, the people are starting to build several new cities. In fact, Mormon tells us in verses 17 and 18 that the people were very prosperous. And in verse 20, we're reminded that God told Lehi that in as much as they would keep the commandments, they would prosper in the land. Has nothing to do with the circumstance of what's happening in the world. It has to do with the fact that they were keeping the commandments. So creating happiness in our lives is much less a matter of having certain circumstances in our lives. In fact, happiness has nothing to do with the circumstance. It has everything to do with how we are choosing to think about those circumstances and live our lives. 

07:06 

So what do I choose to think about my circumstances? What are my thoughts creating? Is the emotion that they're creating, the feeling they're creating, happiness or discontent? I think it can be so easy for us to think that when a certain circumstance occurs, then we'll be happy. Some of these thoughts may sound familiar to you from your past or your present. "When I get married, then I'll be happy. When I have children, then I'll be happy. When the little kids start school, then I'll be happy. When the kids grow up and move out, then I'll be happy. When I start or stop working, then I'll be happy. When my husband does the dishes without being asked, then I'll be happy," right? But it just doesn't work that way. These people in The Book of Mormon were not in ideal circumstances. Both groups were engaging with war and enemies who were seeking their destruction. Those are not the circumstances that we would generally associate with having happiness. 

08:09 

And yet, happiness is at our disposal even during times of war. And happiness is at our disposal during times of financial distress or marital discord or honorary teenagers or distant adult children. Happiness is available to us when we're stuck between being a stay-at-home mom and now not knowing what to do with ourselves because the children are all moved out and we don't know who we are anymore, right? Happiness is available to us whether the coronavirus is running rampant or whether the political climate is ridiculous or whether there is civil unrest, while seeking for greater understanding and equality. It is even available if you have children who are doing virtual schooling. I promise you that, right? 

08:59 

And what creates this happiness? It is not the circumstance. It's not changing the circumstance. It is always our thoughts about the circumstance. It's the way we choose to live our lives. If I have an adult child who refuses to return my calls or my text messages, I have choices. I get to choose what to think. Now, I don't necessarily want to be joyful if my child has distanced herself, but I also don't need to be miserable. I get the sense from the scriptures I shared earlier that happiness does not equate to a lack of struggle or trials or challenges. Happiness does not equate to no sorrow or no grief. What happiness does equate to is a perspective of what is most important and continual growth and progression. In both of these examples, the people were keeping the commandments. They were remembering what was most important and they were working to align themselves with God. And in both of these examples, the people were continuing to be industrious, to grow their lives in their cities. They were staying active and productive and aligning their lives with their values. They were continually looking toward a brighter future rather than getting stuck in the past. I believe these two things are vital for our own happiness. 

10:29 

I have to say, I feel a little bit bad for the year 2020. This past year gets a really bad rap for destroying so much happiness, but I want to offer that the year and the circumstances within the year have had very little to do with whether people have been unhappy or not. Okay, now have there been challenging things happening? For sure. And in no way am I making light of lives that have been lost or longstanding health challenges, lost jobs and businesses, changing circumstances that have required that we show up very differently than before. Those things are all tough. But I also want to acknowledge that all of these are circumstances, they are all neutral. Now, this is something important to understand. In saying that these circumstances are neutral, that does not mean that we want to feel neutral about them. We also don't necessarily want to feel happy about them. Many of these things we want to feel very sad about. We want to feel grief and sorrow. And those can definitely be the right emotion at the right time. What those Book of Mormon versus teach me, however, is that even in difficulty, even in grief, or sorrow, or distress, I can still be happy. 

12:03 

This is what makes me believe that happiness is not a lighthearted, "everything is awesome" approach to life, as our society often refers to it as. These examples teach me that happiness is a deeper underlying result of growth and development, of living my life in alignment with how I believe God wants me to live, and also in alignment with my values and my priorities. Happiness seems to be more of a contentedness with how I am living rather than an ease of living. When I am aligned with God, even in the worst of times, I can feel this contentedness, this satisfaction that I know I'm in a good place, a confidence in God and in myself that I can make it through any circumstance that comes into my life, a certainty about who I am and where I'm headed. 

12:58 

So the first thing we talked about is that The Book of Mormon people who were happy were keeping the commandments. To me, this means that they were living their lives in a way that aligned with God and with themselves and with their values. To me, living this way is a piece of self-care. Often we think of self-care as massages and pedicures and getting a super cute new outfit. Okay, I don't believe this at all. Now I love all of those things. Don't get me wrong. But to me, they are not self care. True self-care is doing the tough, difficult things that I know align me with God and myself. Self-care is often very boring and mundane. It's getting up early enough to have time to read scriptures and pray before I start my day. It is making sure I have time to exercise. Self-care is going to bed at a time that will allow me to get enough sleep. It is making difficult decisions of how I want to treat other people, even when it would be easier to be dismissive or say something unkind. It's turning off the movie when there is content I don't want infiltrating my life. Self-care is living my life in alignment with the kind of person I really want to be. And all of these things can be really difficult sometimes. A piece of my self-care, for me, is meeting with my life coach every week so that I can see things I am thinking that are not aligning with the person I really want to be and then working hard to manage my thoughts in order to step into greater alignment with myself and my desires. Self-care is not easy, but it does bring contentment. 

14:51 

Think about the last time you really stepped into doing something that was hard for you but you did it anyway. That feeling of contentment, of respect for yourself, and of alignment with your desires is amazing. And this contentment is happiness. It's a deep understanding and gratitude for how I am choosing to live my life. It's a deeper level of commitment to living my life in a way that creates what I want to create and that gives me a perspective that allows me to see the circumstances of my life more clearly. It's not always an easy thing to get to this level of happiness. But it is always within our reach. And your self-care, by the way, is going to look very different than mine. This is where we seek for alignment with God and with ourselves. Each of us has a different path and a different relationship with God. All of our strengths and weaknesses play into this relationship and path. If you have children, think about how you have a completely different relationship with each of your children because of their different personalities. It's the same thing with God. We all have a different relationship with God because of our different personalities, because of what we bring to the table. So this work of self-care is very personal and very individualized. Chat with God about it. He wants us to be happy. He knows what you specifically need to be happy and He will lead you there if you ask and listen. 

16:31 

Okay, so the second thing that brought The Book of Mormon people happiness is that they were being industrious. They were growing and progressing and creating. When we are working toward a better version of ourselves, toward creating a better life for ourselves, we will find great happiness. And again this doesn't mean the same thing for everyone. Everyone's industrious will look different, but I would like to offer that if you are not being industrious in your own life, if you are not growing and progressing, you will find happiness a difficult commodity to come by. There's something about personal growth and progress that is so fulfilling. There is a contentment associated with this growth and progress that brings happiness. We don't have to be at our ultimate end, our ultimate goal. We don't have to already be the person we want to be or have created what we are working towards to have this happiness and this contentment. We just have to be on the path going in the direction we want. 

17:40 

And this is how it always works with the gospel as well. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. All that is required of us is that we are on the path. working towards facing the right direction and working towards moving that way and then starting to move that way. This is where salvation is to be found. And the happiness that is available to us in life is to be found from  engaging with the journey, from growing and developing as a person. And again, this is completely different for every single one of us. My growth is not your growth. What I need to work on is very likely not what you need to work on. All of our strengths and weaknesses are different. We are all at different places on the path. But the path of growth and happiness is happiness. We'll just even call it the "happiness path." When we're on it, regardless of where we are, we can have happiness in our lives. To me, happiness seems to be an underlying creation of how I'm choosing to live. It's something I create intentionally. It's something that comes about as I align my life with God and with myself and as I work to create a better life and a better version of myself. 

18:59 

So how do we have a happy new year? We don't have to change our circumstances to do it. In fact, our circumstances have very little to do with how happy we will be this year. And just turning that calendar from 2020 to 2021 is not going to make us happy. To create the happiness we seek, we need to look at our thoughts, to how we intentionally choose to live our lives. What are you thinking about the circumstances life gives you? Are those thoughts creating feelings of happiness or feelings of contentment? When you choose to think in a way that aligns your life with God and with yourself, you create an underlying foundation of happiness. 

19:46 

So here are some examples of thoughts that will not create happiness. When a circumstance occurs, we might have thoughts like, "why does this always happen to me? This is just stupid. I hate my life. Last year was the worst year ever. This year has got to be better than last year. I hate this. I hate people. People are so dumb. How can those people believe that? They are so stupid." Okay, why are all of these thoughts ones that destroy happiness? It is because all of them make us the victim. All of them blame our lack of happiness on the circumstance, which could be situations or people. Sitting in a place where we blame other people will never create happiness because it makes us feel powerless. That feeling of powerlessness is not a place of happiness. 

20:52 

So here are some examples of thoughts that will help you work toward greater happiness. Regardless of what the circumstance is, these are thoughts we can think. "What can I learn from this situation? How can I work through this? It's fascinating to see how this is playing out. I love my life. I'm so grateful for what I learned last year. I can't wait to see what this year offers me. I can figure this out. I love people. People are so amazing." How is it that these types of thoughts create happiness? It's because all of them help us to focus on what we are responsible for. All of them look for the learning opportunity. All of them create power within ourselves by making the circumstance neutral, meaning we get to choose what the circumstance means. When you choose to focus on growth and progress, you are again creating that foundation of happiness. We don't have to have the best of everything to be happy. We don't have to have the smoothest marriage, the easiest job, the effortless children, or the most stuff. All of that is pure circumstance. It's our thoughts about the circumstance that create the happy. 

22:18 

And this is an understanding that comes with growing up into middle age. So my friends, as we embark on this beautiful new year, I pray that you will choose to make it a happy one. If this is a struggle for you, let's chat. I can help you learn how to create happiness in your own life. As your life coach, I help you see and identify thoughts that are holding you back from the happiness that you desire. This is your year, my friend. This is your year to really move into the person you want to be and the life you want to have. So go to tanyahale.com, book your free consult, and let's sit down together and discuss how to get you where you want to go, how to have the kind of happy New Year that you really want to have. 

23:12 

Okay, my friends, hope that was helpful for you today. I loved creating it. I love putting it out here for you. So if you're new to the podcast and you've not yet subscribed, subscribe. That way you never miss an episode. If you will leave a review that will help you help the podcast to be seen by more people so that it shows up in their "you may find this interesting" list of podcasts that come up. Share with friends and neighbors and other people who you feel would benefit from this content. So happy to be with you today. Thank you for sharing this time with me and I look forward to sharing this next year with you. We have got amazing things to do, my friends. And I think our lives are only going to get better and better, especially as we start to incorporate this work into our lives and learn to live in more alignment with God and more alignment with ourselves. Okay, have an awesome, awesome week and I will talk to you next week. Bye. 

24:16 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win", Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyhale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.