00:00 

Hey there, this is Tanya Hale and this is episode number 128, "Growing Up Into Middle-Age. Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Alright, hello there. This is Tanya. So glad to have you with me today. Thank you for joining me. If you are new, welcome. I hope that you find here, as you listen to this podcast and what's coming forward and as you go back and find things that interest you, I hope that you find useful information. My goal here in putting out this free podcast is just to help everybody in the world who wants to listen, who's interested to find information that's going to help you move into a better, healthier, emotional space. I know for me, I lived so many of my years, my married years, actually, being very emotionally immature and not understanding so many of these concepts. I've been so grateful to find my life in a place where I'm understanding these, I'm implementing these, and I'm seeing such a huge difference in my relationships with myself, my relationships with my family, my friends, my children, with pretty much everybody I engage with. My life is very different now than it was several years ago, and I'm just so grateful for this information. And because it has made such a huge impact in my life, I can't help but share it, and I just want other people to experience the beauty of what this information can bring into our lives as we implement it more and as we understand more the concepts that are going to help us move into more of an emotional maturity. 

01:55 

Alright, if you are a regular, welcome back, thank you so much for being here. Just this last week, I've gotten a couple of notes from just random people who just are thanking me for the podcast and for the information, and those mean a lot to me. So thank you. They've just found me on Facebook and left me a little message. If you would like to do that, I would love to hear from you. If you have any suggestions, questions, anything like that...get on Facebook. Let's chat. Let's make a connection. 

02:30 

There you go. We're gonna jump in today. Today is episode number 128, and I've entitled it "Growing Up Into Middle-Age." So if you've been with me for a while, you notice that I finish all of my podcast with some phrase about how amazing it is to grow up. And I think it's just because we hit this stage in middle life where we have enough experience behind us, we have enough wisdom behind us that the pieces start fitting together and we start to see the world. And I think it really provides an opportunity for our lives to pick up the pace in our growth and in our development and in our progress. And I love that so much. 

03:11 

And I had an experience with my life coach a few weeks ago that has just brought this to the forefront for me. And I wanted to share this and another experience with you because they were so powerful for me. They have changed me. They've helped me to see how, well, I guess they've helped me to see myself and the world that I'm in and they've helped me see the world I want to create for myself more. And it created a huge shift in my thinking about my life. Don't you just absolutely love how God takes what you're ready to hear and learn and gives you more than one experience to help solidify that information for you? This is exactly what happened to me and both experiences happened within a few days of each other. And I want to share them with you because I hope that it will help you to shift your perspective in a similar way that it did for me. 

04:08 

Okay, so the first experience I want to share with you is actually the second experience that I had. And it happened when I was listening to a podcast. So I listen to a lot of podcasts myself, and mostly I listen when I'm getting ready in the morning or when I'm driving in my car, so I'm rarely in a position to take notes. And that being said, I've been scrolling my "previously listened to" podcasts for the last 20 minutes and cannot find where I got this exercise. So I apologize to the podcaster who put this out there. I don't have your info to cite you as a reference. But here's the basic premise. Very often in life, it can be really difficult to look at our lives and see our own growth. It's kind of like watching our children grow. They do it so  incrementally in front of our eyes and we just don't see the growth until we look back at old pictures or old movies, videos, something like that. So this exercise is taking some time to look back at old snapshots in time of yourself, of your life, so that you can really hone in on your growth. Seeing more clearly how you have grown up in your lifetime and how you created what you are now. This was such a fascinating exercise for me to do and I'm going to share with you my own growth during this process. 

05:25 

So we're going to come back and look at our lives in 7 year increments. The first chunk is from the age of 17 to 24. So what happened in those 7 years that was significant and changed the course of your life? This is such a valuable experience because when we start chunking it out like this, it's amazing to see how much growth we've actually gone through. So for me, during the years of 17 to 24, I graduated from high school and I moved out and went to Brigham Young University, which is a school about four hours away from the home I grew up in. And of course, moving out on your own is a huge rite of passage, like really stepping into that adulthood. And then when I was 21, I decided to go on a mission and I went to the Atlanta, Georgia, United States area. 

06:11 

This created a huge shift for me. I had grown up in a very small Idaho town and hence had some pretty small views of the world. I thought I was very clear on what made some people good and some people bad. And going to the South as a missionary changed so many of my ideas about people. And it really broadened my view of what it means to be good or bad, if we can really even label people that way, right? I'm not sure that we can, but I thought I had a pretty good view of "these are good people, these are bad people," and my mission completely shifted that for me. I also, during that time, became a person who was no longer just committed to living the gospel. But during my missionary time, I really became converted to living the gospel. I was no longer just living it because it was something that I did or I had grown up that way and it was comfortable and convenient and traditional, but now I live the gospel because I had had a change of heart where I began to understand the necessity of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and I saw the beauty of the Plan of Salvation. 

07:20 

I was home for my mission for about a year when I met someone that I felt I was supposed to marry. So even though we didn't have a ton in common and we didn't really enjoy each other's company or really even like each other that much, we decided to get married because we felt that God was telling us to do so. It was a very early-90s kind of thing to do, right? So that was a decision that changed the course of my life, obviously. One that I'm actually very thankful for, because even though this marriage ended in divorce 24 years later, it has was such a breeding ground for learning and understanding and has helped to create who I am today. 

08:03 

So those are all the things that happen in that seven years. A lot of big life-changing things in the next seven years, ages 25 to 32. Some more huge life changes in this chunk. My husband was in the army so we moved to San Antonio, Texas for a short bit and then we moved to Germany for five years. This is where I really learned to love and adore traveling, and we saw almost every Western European country. We did so much traveling. Though we always didn't get along so well when we traveled, we both really enjoyed the traveling so we did a lot of that. And during these seven years I also had my first three children and of course this began my journey of one of the greatest adventures of my life, and that is that of being a mother. These years changed my mindset from wondering why God would give me talents and abilities that would just be wasted if I stayed at home to being a full-on committed mother. Someone who didn't think she would ever work outside the home again. Started that time off just going, "yeah I'm not sure. I'm not sure I want to stay at home. I have a lot to offer the world." And once I had my babies I was just like "this is what I love," and I love being a stay-at-home-Mom so much. We also moved from Germany to California during this time and then that was kind of the end of those seven years. 

09:26 

So the next seven years, which are 33 to 40, during these years I had my last baby. I decided I wouldn't have any more babies and we moved from California to Kentucky and then we moved from Kentucky to Utah where we purchased our first home. My husband got out of the military once we moved here to Utah, and I was actually really sad about that. I loved the military lifestyle. I loved the people, the friends we met. I loved the adventure of moving to new places and doing new things. So I was sad when he decided to get out, but that was his his decision, right, because he was not loving the military in the way that he used to. But it was also during these seven years that out of necessity I started working. When my husband got out of the military, he had a difficult time finding a job and so I started working. I didn't start teaching even  though I had my teaching certificate because I wasn't ready for that work commitment yet. I really missed being with my children at home and doing what I had always planned to do, which was to be a stay-at-home mother and eventually a grandmother. 

10:34 

So the next seven years, 41 to 48, brought probably some of my most significant changes. During this time I realized that divorce was actually an option. This shift in thinking changed everything for me. I went to thinking my calling in life really honestly was to just suffer and do everything I could to make my marriage work to believing and understanding that God was really okay with me getting a divorce. That's a pretty big shift when you believe for 40+ years that divorce wasn't an option. And that was made with the help of a counselor and I just had some really amazing spiritual experiences that led me to that place. But fascinating that until I did believe it was an option, I don't feel that I really started to step into my own self worth. I was never a person to feel that I was worthless but my needs always came last, if at all. Right? Deciding that divorce was an option gave me the courage to start standing up for myself and asking for what I wanted for myself, and from God, and from other people in my life. 

11:53 

It was during this seven year chunk of time, this 41 to 48, when I started teaching middle school, I decided I was ready for that commitment. And it's also when I got my first life coach certification through the John Maxwell team and I started my first business. This was also the chunk of time where I decided not only was divorce an option, but divorce was the path that I wanted to take. And if you've listened to some of my previous podcasts on divorce, you know that that was not a quick process for me. It was not an easy, like, spur-of-the-moment decision for sure. And so during this time I filed for and I got divorced. And I started to create a whole new identity for myself as someone who was single, and a divorced single at that. That came with a lot of baggage for me. And these years brought a huge shift in my beliefs about myself, a new level of love and appreciation for myself, and an awareness of my needs and what I was lacking to progress. Right? 

12:59 

So I kind of feel like every one of these seven years, I just kind of picked up the pace a little bit slowly, but I feel like they moved on. And now I'm in the middle of the next seven years. And these these years have been so amazing thus far. So I'm 52. So I'm like kind of right in the middle of this. At the beginning of this chunk of time I was introduced to Brene Brown and my life completely shifted after listening to her research and what she had to teach about it. And this started a snowball effect that has put my life into what feels like fast forward, but not in like in a spinning out of control way, but in a brilliant awareness that I never had before. So while learning new emotionally healthy thoughts, ideas, and behaviors I then found Brooke Castillo and the Life Coach School where I got my second Life Coach certification. And I have immersed myself in these concepts and they have changed everything about how I think about and how I engage with the world. 

14:02 

So during this time I also listened to my first podcast, like probably two years ago, just a little bit over two years ago, and I became hooked. And I was like "oh my gosh, this is this is what I got to do." It only took a few weeks of listening to podcasts that I felt like this was me. This was my path. This is what I needed to do. And so within six months I had started my own podcast, and here we are on number 127. That's a lot of podcasting, right? And in these last few years I've started a business with a dear friend. Then I left that amazing experience with her when I decided it really wasn't the track that I wanted to do, and then I rebranded my life coaching business to what I have now. And I've gone from having no clients during that time to now having several clients at a time and I love that. I've also developed new friendships during this time a lot with other coaches that they have supported me and helped me to learn what it means to truly love and support myself and other people. I also during this time had a relationship with a man that didn't turn out great, but that taught me that I am capable of loving another person and of being loved. It taught me so many things about myself that I didn't ever learn when I was married, and I learned that I'm capable of having a good healthy relationship. I'm so grateful for that relationship as well even though it didn't turn out the way that I had imagined at one point. 

15:35 

So when we go back in our lives like that and divide our lives into seven year chunks it's amazing to see the growth that happens in that shorter amount of time. The person I was going into each of those seven years was definitely not the same person going out of those seven years. Not only had my circumstances changed significantly in each chunk, but my beliefs, my understandings and my convictions had shifted as well. And looking back in this manner is like looking at pictures of our children from two, three, five, ten years ago and we can see the significant changes more starkly. They don't just blend all  together like when we see it happening day to day. Sometimes it can feel as though we are living the same life day after day, but breaking it up makes it easier to see our growth and our progress. So amazing. I thought this was a brilliant exercise especially since it came just a few days after this other experience with my life coach that I want to share with you. 

16:38 

So Bex, she's my life coach, she asked me a series of questions and here are the ones that created the big shift in my perspective. She asked me to go back just two years and list several things that I've learned, created, completed, or accomplished. And for me those biggest items were my introduction to and my certification with the Life Coach School, my introduction to podcasts, and then my own internal pull that led me to start my own podcast, my own emotional health growth that has been significant in the last two years. So much so that I don't even feel like I'm the same person that I was two years ago. I've experienced so much growth. This podcast has been part of that right and and the reflection and the growth and the pondering that occurs as I prepare content for y'all. And lastly I looked at my relationships with my children that used to be very shallow because I didn't allow my children to express more challenging emotions because their negative emotions scared me and they threatened my sense of identity. So now I feel I create space for my children to be who they are and I'm in a place to encourage them and help them to start stepping into their own emotional health. I have had amazing, intimate experiences with my children that could not have happened even three years ago. 

18:04 

The next question Bex asked me was to think of the me from five years ago. So that previous question was two years ago, and this one she asked me to go back five years and asked what that person five years ago knew or thought about the things that I listed above. And this was where my mind started to go a little bit good crazy at this point, because this growth of my last two years has been so significant and life-altering. It has brought me a deeper understanding of myself, of God, and of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the me from five years ago had absolutely no idea that any of these things existed. Things that are now an integral part of my everyday life, Tanya from five years ago didn't even know they existed. Five years ago I didn't know who Brene Brown was yet. I had never heard of a podcast. I had never heard of Brooke Castillo and the Life Coach School. I hadn't started this business and I had no idea that emotionally I was as clueless as I was. I had no idea that I was being a punitive and manipulative mother and that I was shutting my children down emotionally. No idea. Now a day doesn't go by that I don't touch base with every single one of these concepts. Not a day goes by that I don't think about this podcast and ideas that I can share and concepts that I can teach. Not a day goes by that I don't connect with emotions and ideas that I had no idea existed five years ago. And every day I thank God for the changed relationships with my children and with the people in my life and with myself. It's amazing how much can change in just a few short years when you get on a different path. This path feels like it's the one I'm supposed to be on and I have a drive and a compulsion to move forward on this path. 

20:08 

Alright, the next question that Bex asked me, how did the me of five years ago learn, create, or accomplish these things that now are such a huge part of my life? And as I contemplated that, I thought, "you know what, one decision at a time, one piece of awareness at a time, and then taking that awareness and doing something about it." It was such an incremental process, but one that brought about a completely different life than the one that I was living. And the very last question that Bex asked me was, when you look forward to the next five years, what do I think can happen for me? And this question just sent me over the edge of giddy when I thought about the possibilities, where I am now and the things that are so big and amazing in my life that weren't even a seed in my mind five years ago. Right? Like five years ago, I had no idea that all of the most amazing things in my life even existed. So what can my life be in five years that I have absolutely no concept for in my mind? 

21:26 

When I think about the possibilities for my five year future, it just thrills me because where I am now is a place that is so fulfilling and so filled with energy and true joy. And it's a place that didn't even exist in my mind five years ago. And to believe that the next five years can take me as far, if not farther, into a life of growth and progress, it's just so exciting. I feel as though I have started a snowball rolling down the hill, and it's just getting bigger and better all the time. This is my life. And this can be everybody's life, right? 

22:04 

So a few days after this experience with Bex, I listened to the podcast that divided our lives into the seven year segments. I was completely intrigued. This process of growing up at this stage in our lives is so delightful to me. It's a continual process  that keeps moving us forward if we choose. It's a place of greater and greater enlightenment about ourselves and our potential, about God and the gospel in our relationship. And there really is no end to how much we can grow. I look back on my seven year chunks and I am astounded by the how much growth I've experienced over the years. I'm amazed by the person that I've become and I'm thrilled to see that this growth seems to be continually picking up speed as time goes by. 

22:55 

This is what makes growing up into middle-age so enchanting and so exciting and so amazing. Our experience, our wisdom, our understanding, and our life experiences are all aligning to create this perfect storm of incredible growth and development. Are you ready for this? Are you moving into this growth yourself? Are you opening your mind to the awareness of who you are, of what your potential is, of where you can go and grow? The thing is we have no idea where the next five years can take us. But we can choose to put ourselves on a path for growth by checking our awareness of our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviors, and by choosing intentionally to move forward. This is the perfect time in your life to do what it takes to create the life you've dreamed of and beyond your comprehension of that. Not just what you've hoped you could obtain, but more than you can even imagine at this point, this place outside of your imagination that is waiting for you. So what are you going to do? Are you going to move toward it, or are you going to hesitate? Are you going to get in the water and just start swimming, or are you going to stay safe on the beach, wrapped up in a towel? You my friend have your very own unique path to walk, and your path will assuredly be very different than mine, but the discovery of your path is waiting for you. The experience of your path is waiting for you. 

24:42 

Growing up into middle-age is the adventure of a lifetime. If you're ready to accelerate your progress, contact me and we can work together to help you create the life of your dreams and beyond. This is what I am trained to do, to help you grow up into middle-age and find the life that you dreamed of and probably some amazing things that you didn't even dream of along the way. Okay my friends, thank you for joining me today. Love, love this. These experiences for me just shook me to the core in such a good way. Just got so thrilled and excited about what my future can hold if I stay on the path and and focus in on my path even more. 

25:38 

Alright, if you are enjoying this podcast, if it is helping to add value to your life, please make sure you subscribe so you don't ever miss an episode. You can leave me a review, which I would love. I appreciate those of you who have left me some reviews lately. That means a lot to me. It just really kind of touches my heart a lot actually to read some of your kind words and share this information with people that you feel also are ready to move forward. We're not all ready at the same time, and that's totally okay. That's just what life is, right? But there are people in your life who are ready. There are people in your life who are ready to start being aware and learning and understanding and moving forward into their greater self. Share this with them. Let's make this world a better, more engaging place for all of us. Okay, I love you. Thank you for being here with me every week. We just had Thanksgiving here where I'm a few weeks out on my podcast, but I just yesterday was thinking about how grateful I am for you for being here with me and sharing this journey with me. Love this podcast. I love the growth that it's created in me and I pray that I can help others to experience growth as well. That's gonna do it, have an awesome week, my friends and I will see you next week. Ciao. 

26:34 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.