Tanya Hale 00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 112, an interview with Beth Hillman, who is a coach for parents of struggling teens. Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

Tanya Hale 00:24 

Okay. So, hey, I'm here today with my super duper good friend, Beth Hillman. Beth is a fellow coach with me and she specifically coaches parents of struggling teens. Say hi, Beth! So glad to have you here today, so I'm just gonna jump right in. I would love you to tell us your story of how you got involved with coaching parents of struggling teens. 

Beth Hillman 00:55 

Awesome. First, I'd like to say thank you so much for having me on your show. You are amazing! 

Tanya Hale 01:03 

So glad to have you. 

Beth Hillman 01:06 

Thank you. I I honestly really love to tell my story because it's become a part of who I am and it's changed me. And so what happened? We actually have five boys. And probably about three or four years ago our fourth son, who is just barely 15 at the time, started to show clear signs of something was wrong. He was very angry. He would lash out a lot. He kind of got really quiet. Just kind of different than he had been. We knew something was up. Basically the bottom line is we finally got him to actually tell us, which was amazing, that he was taking a lot of different kinds of stuff substances. So he had been experimenting with drugs, pills. He had not done any needle type stuff yet, but he had done a lot of things that you lick and stick and vape and smoke...a large amount, that we had found out. And he was actually quite scared at the time when he told us, which was a relief to us. You know, told us like, okay, well now that I've, now that I've let you know, I don't need to do it anymore. It was actually a really beautiful evening of sharing. 

Tanya Hale 02:38 

Was he scared of the position he'd put himself in or was he scared of your response or both? 

Beth Hillman 02:44 

Yeah, that's actually really insightful. Yeah. I think he was scared of both. I think he was really scared on what he was doing. I think he was scared of the people he was meeting. We didn't know this at the time, but he had started to hang out, he was 15, remember, he was hanging out with like 20-something-year-olds. We didn't know. Those were the people that were, you know, giving him the stuff, basically for free, trying to, of course, get him addicted. And so then he would, of course, have to figure out how to buy it, right? And I think he was afraid, even though I feel like we had been very good parents, we had a really, as far as we knew, a really good relationship with our older sons. But I'm sure he was afraid. I mean, it took us weeks to pull it out of him, weeks of me, just like, "what's going on? Are you okay? How's it going? Why are you still mad?" You know, all that. 

Beth Hillman 03:33 

So, but then what happened was not expected. And I honestly don't think he expected it and we didn't, but he disappeared. I don't even know how to say it. It was like, at that moment, we naively thought, "oh, this is the bottom of the barrel. Like, this is as far as it goes." But that was not what happened. He became more angry. He became more distant, more belligerent, more defiant. He stopped showing up. And this is a 15-year-old. He stopped coming home. He couldn't even drive yet. So when he was home, he would get up. I would take him to school. I would watch him walk in the door and I would drive away. Well, then, you know, you get that call from the school. Like, your son has missed one, two, three, four periods, like, every day. I'm like, "do I have to go to school and chain you to the desk? Like, what am I supposed to do?" And  we were lost in what we were supposed to do. We literally had no idea. But I was talking to school counselors. I was talking to the principal. I was talking to trying to figure it out. We were calling friends to get therapists. We were, you know, just trying to do what, I guess, I would think any parent would do was, like, all hands on deck. 

Beth Hillman 04:57 

So what happened is he just started to drift further and further, he was sneaking out constantly. Anyway, we ended up talking to a really good friend of ours who had been to something called wilderness therapy. And we learned more about it. We, through miracles upon miracles, were able to get him into a wilderness therapy program. It was life-changing. It really truly was. So he entered that when he, I think he actually had just turned 16, I think. 

Tanya Hale 05:35 

So this had been going on for what, a year, year and a half-ish? 

Beth Hillman 05:39 

Doesn't even seem like that long. The worst of it had probably only been going on about five or six months. But the buildup, it's like you're almost in denial at first because you think you know your kid, you're raising them. Right, like you're right there with them all the time, going on whatever, vacations or out to dinner or cleaning the house together, whatever you're doing, like you think you know them, and then all of a sudden they just start acting different. Like that's literally what happened, you just started acting so different. And so it takes a while, oh well, I mean, yeah, it takes a while for everything to catch up, like "wait, I think something's wrong, I think something's going on." And then you're just in denial for a while, frankly, and then you start kind of putting pieces together. Yeah, so probably a good eight months, I guess, really, eight or nine and something like that, maybe about a year. So we got him into wilderness and it was truly one of the best decisions we ever made, a very difficult decision actually, because you know, like, are they gonna go willingly? Stuff like that, really tough. We did finally ask him if he wanted to go, we were very nervous. One of our older sons actually said, "look, he wants to change, and I think you need to ask him." And it does go better if you do ask. There are ways to get your kids there if they're not, and if they're not in a space wanting to help themselves, you can do that. 

Beth Hillman 07:07 

But anyway, we were able to get him there, he did voluntarily go, which was a huge blessing, honestly. On the way down, he did tell my husband, like, "I don't know really what we're getting into, but I'm glad I'm out of what I was doing." So that was really incredible. He wanted to change, so that was huge. So here's this interesting thing, here's kind of where things started to change for me is, your kid's in wilderness, you can write letters, but you can't talk to them. So we're writing letters back and forth. And I start seeing changes in him. He's learning, like tools, and he's learning skills, and he's sleeping with the sun, right? He's going to bed on time. There's absolutely zero electronics, I mean, it's amazing. It's not sustainable, right? But it is amazing. It's a great jumpstart, exactly. Yeah, that's the perfect term for it. 

Beth Hillman 08:05 

Not all wildernesses are created equal, FYI. So I'm just going to tell you, he went to Wingate Wilderness Therapy. It's the most amazing program. Just going to throw it out there. So anyway, while he was learning and growing there, I started to realize, I don't have any idea what to do with this kid. I don't know how to help him. I don't know what to say to him. I don't know how to get him to do his homework. I'm so lost. I felt so confused and lost. And I didn't know what to do. And he's like getting all this help. I'm not getting any help. And I just didn't know what to do. And I started to get really worried. What's going to happen to him? Where's he going to go when he gets out? And if he comes home, what's going to happen? And that kind of thing. And it's interesting. I started to realize, he started to go through so many emotions, so much guilt and blame, like maybe we didn't go hiking enough, maybe didn't hug him enough, maybe his brothers were too mean to him, all these excuses and all these questions just constantly like, "what did we do wrong?" I felt like it was my fault. It was really hard. 

Tanya Hale 09:13 

You take all the responsibility, right? 

Beth Hillman 09:16 

Yeah. You just start, you really do, you start to blame yourself, you start to feel very guilty. There's a ton of shame. Like I wanted to hide from my neighbors, even though my neighbors are wonderful. Like they're very kind people and half of them have probably had trouble with their kids too. But in that moment you feel so alone and desperate. It's really uncanny. So what happens in wilderness is they have a parent, a one day parent meeting. So I go to this parent meeting and that was probably one of the very first turning points in my life is I realized at that meeting that actually I was part of the problem.  Now had I given him drugs, heavens no. You know, we tried to ground him, he wouldn't ground. Like we were doing all the normal things that worked for our other boys and stuff. But I guess I just realized that the patterns we had created unknowingly were part of the problem, simple as that. You know, I don't, all I know is that there's my side of the street and there was his side of the street and there's, we make up the whole road. Like there's something that we're doing that might be not so helpful really. 

Beth Hillman 10:34 

So I came away from that seminar literally with like, what, "wait a minute, I have something to do with this." And they also helped me realize that if I was willing to admit and just accept that I had something to do with it, then, then and only then, could I actually have and be a part of the solution. And that was huge. 

Tanya Hale 10:56 

Isn't that one of the most amazing things in any coaching that I do? Hitting that point of awareness that we go, "oh, wait, me, like, I am part of this." Taking that first step of awareness into responsibility is always...nothing can happen until that happens. 

Beth Hillman 11:18 

Yeah. And the silly thing is we as parents are waiting around for our children to change. 

Tanya Hale 11:24 

Right? 

Beth Hillman 11:24 

And they're 15. Yeah. They're 15 and 14 and 16 and 17 or whatever, how old they are, those teenagers, right? Yeah. And we're sitting around waiting for them to change. I mean, once you start thinking about it like that, which I didn't know to think about it. 

Tanya Hale 11:39 

No, I haven't ever either. 

Beth Hillman 11:40 

Once I started to realize, it's like, "oh my, oh my gosh. I am letting my child be completely in charge of how I feel." That is literally what I was doing, but I just didn't know another way. That's what happened. I didn't know another way. I didn't know that I could be in charge of me and that I had where my control line. That's the bottom line. I didn't know what control I had and where it should have been appropriately placed. That's basically what I had just figured out when I went to that parent seminar. 

Tanya Hale 12:14 

Yeah, and you find yourself just trying to control them all the time, right? 

Beth Hillman 12:17 

Oh heavens, yeah. 

Tanya Hale 12:20 

Like thinking this is all their problem and so I've got to control them in order to control me, right? Right? 

Beth Hillman 12:28 

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. We go around like, okay, we're gonna ground you. We're going to do this to you. We're gonna punish you. We're gonna consequence you. All the stuff that we do, right? And not that that isn't, not that that isn't, there isn't a place for that. Of course there's a place for boundaries like, whoa. Yeah. There's definitely a place for boundaries, but it is much different than trying to control every move they make. So here's the bomb so that we can feel better. That's what we're trying to do. That's actually what parents are trying to do. We're trying to control them because we are going through so much pain. And that's what I had to figure out. 

Tanya Hale 13:06 

They will change their behavior. If your son would stop using drugs, then you could feel better, right? We're trying to control that, yeah. 

Beth Hillman 13:15 

Yep. I'm like, "take all this pain away. You do all the work, you change what you're doing." And that doesn't mean, of course, that he shouldn't be taking drugs. Of course he shouldn't be, but there is a difference. There's a difference. And so that's what I had to figure out. When we attach our emotional wellbeing to the behaviors of our children, we actually further enmesh and entangle all the old patterns and all the dysfunction. That's what, that's actually what we're doing. We're actually making it work. There's some good words for you but yeah. 

Tanya Hale 13:54 

So how did you move then from a parent who's like totally trying to figure all this out, to having your big aha, to eventually getting to a place where you coach parents who are going through a similar situation. How did you make that transition then? What went on for you? 

Beth Hillman 14:11 

Okay, well I had to hit rock bottom. 

Tanya Hale 14:16 

Your kid wasn't the only one that had to hit rock bottom, right? You did too? 

Beth Hillman 14:21 

I did. I did. I had to hit it hard. That was unfortunate but necessary. Do you know how that goes, right? Yeah. Yeah necessity breeds invention right? So what basically happened, and I am going to be super vulnerable here because I think it's so important for parents to know that I've been through it. What happened is my son got out of the wilderness, he was doing very well. I mean very well. Super good choices, trying to pick up his life, making better friends, all the things, getting a good job, he was doing great. And our communication had improved a little. You know, because we'd all learned and grown and stuff, yes. But old patterns are sneaky, man, they're sneaky. And they lie in us, and they lie in them, right? And so we're both bringing stuff to the table, yeah, yeah, things start going downhill. That is a very common tale, it's very, very, it's actually quite, it's actually what happens. It kind of, you have to kind of go back to the old patterns to know what they are. 

Beth Hillman 15:22 

But anyway, what happened is, we got a call from the cops, one eerie night. We go to the scene of the supposed crime. Nothing had been seen yet, or found yet, they just had a suspicion. So they call us, we go, it was a parking lot of a popular restaurant, and we go and there's all these kids, lots of kids. And this is a new town, by the way. We moved our son to help him make new choices. So that was just something that we were able to do. 

Tanya Hale 15:57 

You moved your whole family for this? 

Beth Hillman 15:59 

Yeah, it just so happens that the other boys were doing their own thing, they were older and had been out of the house. So we literally just moved the two youngest. And I know not everybody's able to do that, and you know what, they find it no matter what, that's the bottom line, and he did. So we're at this parking lot. The cops want to search his car. They think they have an idea of what's in there. We give them permission to search. While they're searching, now mind you, they searched for a long time. And while they're searching, my husband and I are there with some other parents, I started to boil inside. I literally remember the feeling of, like, a coffee pot, tea pot, start... gonna blow its lid. And I just started having all these thoughts like, here we are again, this is happening again, I can't allow this to happen again, and I wanted to again control everything. And I just blew my lid. I went cray cray, let's just be honest. I went completely crazy and what happened is I started to scream at the kids. 

Beth Hillman 17:13 

Now my son was over by the car by the cops and these kids were all sitting in front of the other cars. The cops had them sitting in the ground, right. And I this is embarrassing but I'm just gonna tell it, I don't even know, I was spitting anger at these kids. I would just "don't you ever talk to my son again, you leave my kid alone. Don't you ever look at him." I just went into a rage. I just yelled at them. That's all I did. But I was shaking, I was spitting, I was so hurt, I was so mad. 

Tanya Hale 17:52 

And scared, I would think, too. 

Beth Hillman 17:54 

And scared. Yes, I was all the things. I was so terrified that we were going to have to go through it again. That's basically what my brain was telling me, right? So what happened is the cops didn't find anything. Now, I want to be very clear. Nothing happened, except I freaked out. That's probably the biggest event of the evening, is that I lost my shiz on these kids. The cops literally, I think they found a scraping of something that could have been picked up on a shoe. Literally not even a Q-tip. And they couldn't even say it was that, that was weed or whatever they thought it was. And so they let everybody go. That was it. And so I blew it up in my head that it was the worst possible moment in my life. And I literally yelled at my son all the way home. I yelled at him when we got home. My husband sent us to our rooms. And then I spiraled into probably the worst spiral shame that I've ever seen in my life. I just felt so bad after that. I made literally nothing into everything. I thought we were going to die. I mean, that's what I had in my brain, is like, "we're never going to come back from this," is what I thought. 

Tanya Hale 19:16 

And then you're carrying not only the shame of what your son is going through and your shame of what kind of a parent am I that my son would go here, but then also the shame of your behavior and what you were going through. This all new shame about you losing it, right? So we're just multiplying the shame. 

Beth Hillman 19:38 

Yeah, it was the rough moment. It was a rough moment. So I cried all night long. I'm really just letting you know how it went. Cried all night long. And then I kind of, for the next probably three or four weeks, I didn't even want to be there. I was just like, my family would be better off without me. I'm just gonna drive away. I'm gonna go live in Hawaii and make a new name up for myself. I'm out of here. I can't deal with this anymore. That's what I thought. And then through...my husband's a great guy, great guy, I have friends, I have family that care about me, and through people just, like, I think I think we need to get some help. I think we need help here. We do not know what to do with this situation. 

Beth Hillman 20:25 

And what's interesting, I'm kind of funny, but instead of hiring a life coach or a therapist I just decided to become one. Yeah, so that's what got me to sign up for Life Coach School. I was desperate desperate to help myself and that's when I knew "well, my son's not the only one who needs help. I have to figure out how to be a support to him. I'm his parent, for Pete's sake." I wanted to be of help, I wanted to be of support and I did not know how, that's it. And I kind of realized like, well there's things I know and there's things I don't know and this is something I do not know, I don't know how. And so I went to Life Coach School and this is something really interesting, I promised myself I would not, I would first learn this myself before I spouted it off to anybody, even my son. Because of course you're in Life Coach school and you're like learning all these amazing skills and techniques and tools and I wanted him to learn them so bad. I'm like, nope, I have to figure out me first. I have to be healthy enough and not a hypocrite, right, in order to be able to actually teach my son again. 

Beth Hillman 21:32 

And so that's what I did. Every single skill, every single technique and tool, I just tried it out and I just kept trying it out and trying it out. And let me tell you another, and I'm going to fast forward now, there's a lot of stuff that happened in the middle of Life Coach School, and we're still trying to show up for our son and trying to figure out what to do and how to help him graduate, for Pete's sake, and all those things that you think are so important, which, you know, there's some important stuff in there. So anyway, that's what got me to go to Life Coach School and to really start working on myself, was that I realized like, I can't actually control my son, but you know what? I can for sure control me, turns out. 

Tanya Hale 22:18 

And that's a huge shift, I think, for so many of us and I think we try and control everything else in our world and we're completely unaware that we're trying to control everything else in our world. And when we start getting that awareness that, "oh, like I'm totally overstepping here." I know for me when I hit that point, I was like, I had no idea I was being so awful. I mean, I was doing the best that I could, but no idea. And then once I started to get the awareness, just my whole life took took a detour, took a change of path, for sure. 

Beth Hillman 22:57 

Yeah yeah totally. Yeah and and then it's like, there's so much work ahead. Once you start working on you, you're like what? 

Tanya Hale 23:05 

Never ending. This is why we're both life coaches and we both get life coached every single week because there's no end, right? 

Beth Hillman 23:14 

Exactly, yeah, it's like there's always time to work out. 

Beth Hillman 23:22 

So I would like to tell one more story. 

Tanya Hale 23:24 

Do it! 

Beth Hillman 23:26 

It's the best story of them all. So it took about eight, you know I went through life coaching, implementing it consistently like every moment I could. I ate it up because I was so at the bottom. I'm like here we go. Only place is up and it was and so fast forward about eight months and now let me tell you it was not an eight months of nothing. It was eight months of, you know, finding some, you know, maybe a few bottle lids in our home. My son was still struggling. He's still trying to figure things out. He's still, you know choosing maybe some unwise things and hanging out with some maybe unfavorable people. Some of those kids were great! So anyway, I'm just gonna say life was still happening. It's not like I could put life on hold or anything, but anyway. We're working through it, that's the thing, you just keep working through it. 

Beth Hillman 23:39 

So one day, fast forward to the next spring, our kid decides to not come home. That had been kind of something that had happened sometimes. He wouldn't come home and of course we had consequences and all that stuff. But one morning I woke up, I checked his bed a few times during the night, he hadn't come home and I was mad. Yeah, mad, of course again. Well, you've invested so much, right? Yeah yeah, we've been working so hard. Yes, you're like "come on, kid, come on. I'm working hard on me, you know, you should work hard on you." That kind of thing. But anyway, so in my anger I go and I pick up my phone. There's no messages and I'm just about to say some things, some special words that my emotional brain had decided were pertinent to say, and I had this moment of like "whoa, I don't actually need to text that. I need to manage my emotions. And I literally set the phone down almost like it was a weapon. I sat the phone down and I went and sat on my couch. I just sat on my couch and I saw all the anger, all the sentences in my mind, float by like in clouds. It was so trippy. It was like, it was like an out-of-being experience. It was crazy. I just sat on my couch. I was like, I cannot stand this anymore. I'm so sick of this. Doesn't he know better? I've taught him so much. Like all the freak out sentences. I just let them be there. And they just floated by like in clouds. I just let them be there. 

Tanya Hale 26:19 

But you didn't reach out and grab them and hold him to your heart and go, "this one's mine. I own this horrible thought," right? That's such a hard thing to do. I love that. 

Beth Hillman 26:31 

And I just had this thought like, oh my, I was still so mad, but I just sat there on my couch. I didn't act on the anger. I actually had the wherewithal to hold, like to pause, take a break. Sit down. Feel your emotion. I was like anger, guilt, shame, you know, rage, disappointment, like all the negative stuff, confusion, overwhelm. Like all of them were going through as the thoughts went through and I'm watching them. I'm just like watching them. It took probably 45 minutes. All of a sudden it was like, "ding, I get to choose what I want to think and feel at this moment." It was like a bell went off in my head. I don't actually have to choose any of this anger and disappointment. I can just let it be and watch it go by. And it literally like vibrated through me. And then all of a sudden it was just like the realization that I get to choose. And so when I did, I just thought, "well, I don't even know where he is." Like all of a sudden it was like, "oh, well, I just want to know if he's okay. And so I like went over to my phone, texted him, "Hey, are you okay?" He responded right away. "Yeah, I'm okay. My car..." And then he starts telling me, I'm like, what happened? "I was at a college dorm. They booted my car. It was like 2 a.m. I didn't want to wake you. I know I should have, but now there's a boot on it. Can you come and get me?" Actually I can, I can come and get you. 

Tanya Hale 28:16 

Had you freaked out, like you did in that parking lot, I mean, look at the difference. I mean, this opened up a whole space for communication. 

Beth Hillman 28:26 

It was like a throwing away of a serious old pattern. It literally dissolved in that moment. It took so much time. It took effort. That is for sure, but it was possible. And that is like the brilliance of it. It was like, "oh my gosh, I can actually do this." And it came naturally to me at that moment, right? 

Tanya Hale 28:49 

Well, you've been working on it for so long. 

Beth Hillman 28:50 

Yeah. I'd been practicing. I've been training. I've been working on it. But then it came naturally, which was like the coolest part. So guess what? I go pick him up. I grab our dog. I grab our little guy, our little kid, and we go to the park. We're playing frisbee. My son was looking at me like an alien has abducted me. And I'm literally calm. I don't even have to try to be calm. I'm just like being there in the moment, being super present. We're playing frisbee. We're playing at the park. All of a sudden, I'm like, "are you hungry?" He's like, "...yeah." We go to breakfast. We go to breakfast. I don't even have to say anything. There's nothing to say. I'm just being here with this kid that I love. I love this kid. And he all of a sudden, he's like, "oh my gosh, mom, I am so sorry. It's so inconsiderate for me... I could have texted easily. I could have called. I know you were up wanting to know. I just, I don't know. I guess I was just afraid you would get mad." And he just spills his beans. And I was just in awe, like, what? I mean, it was so amazing. It was like a miracle. And then he says, "yeah, I guess I get grounded for four days when I don't come home, huh?" I'm like, "yep." And he goes, "OK." That was all he said. "OK." I'm like, oh my gosh, if parents knew how easy this was. 

Tanya Hale 30:16 

Easy, but not easy, right? Because at that moment, it came easy, but it came easy after almost a year of working on yourself, learning to be mindful of your thoughts, learning to connect with your emotions, learning all this stuff. If we practice something long enough, then, yes, it does come easy. But the tools that you do as a coach is to help the parents get to this place where, you help give them the tools so they can work through all that crap and get to a point where they can create that space for love, and create that space for communication. 

Beth Hillman 30:57 

Exactly. And for healthy boundaries and all of that. That's exactly what I do. And that was a good couple years ago, three years ago? Two years ago? I can't even remember. And what I've done is I've turned that into a program for parents. I take them through exactly what tools and the techniques and the tools that I use to get to that point. And that is not the end. That was not the end of our relationship. That was the freaking beginning of a whole new healthy pattern. That's what that was. And that's where I want to get parents and families, is to understand that there are healthy and helpful patterns that we can control, that we can have a great influence over. We really can. And so that's what I do. I have a. 24-week program, because that's how long it takes to change brains. 

Tanya Hale 31:52 

It takes a long time. 

Beth Hillman 31:54 

I've been thinking this for 40, typically if you've got a teenager, you're 30 or 40 plus years old, you've been establishing patterns for a really long time. And so what I do is I have, I do weekly private coaching, I have videos, I have homework, and man, I am just in the mud with you because I have been there and I know it well. And there is hope. Like that's one of the biggest things that I can say. There is hope and grace and love and a whole future for the family. That's what's out there. 

Tanya Hale 32:25 

Love that. Hey, so really quick, tell me how things are with your son today. 

Beth Hillman 32:30 

Okay, he's freaking amazing. He's like one of my favorite people on the planet. I am not exaggerating. I will seriously get, when I think about how far he's come, sorry, the independence that he has earned, the consequences that he has been meeting head-on through good and bad decisions is remarkable. He is probably more of an adult than many 40-year-olds I know, because he has had this struggle. It is, did you know, like these kids who are struggling, who have the audacity to fight back, you know what I mean, but to stick it to the man, they have the fire in them to become great. He's doing great, he's on his own, he's working hard, he's got roommates, he's making his own choices and he's living with what that means good and bad, just like everybody, but he's owning his life. And let me tell you, if there was any wish that I could have had for him  three years ago was that he understood that choices have consequences, good and bad and he does, he gets it. And he's just doing remarkable. I just adore him, I adore him. He's 18, he graduated from high school early, for Pete's sake, and he did it all on his own. He just, and let me tell you this one more thing, that the more I let go of what I thought he should be doing, the more he took control of his own life and started making decisions for him that made sense to him in his life. And he just took up his own life and ran and just is running with it, so. 

Tanya Hale 34:18 

Love that, so happy for him, so happy for him. I love that you do this for parents because I think that there are so many parents who just don't even know when they get that deep in the sludge, they have no idea where to go or how to move, so I love that you do that. 

Beth Hillman 34:36 

Yeah, they don't know that there's a way out, but there really is and I'm sure you can hear it, but I am very passionate. 

Tanya Hale 34:43 

Yeah, oh, you are and that's something I love. That's one reason why I wanted to have you on here because...passionate because of your own story, but I know that for me, I feel the same thing with coaching, right? There's a piece about deciding I no longer want to be a victim and I'm going to pick this up and I'm going to take full responsibility and stop seeing what other people are doing as part of the problem and start looking at myself. Something I saw the other day, went along with something you said earlier is when I think that other people are the problem, that is the problem, right? The problem is not looking at my piece. Hey, in the last two minutes, what would you close up with? What do you want us to know? 

Beth Hillman 35:31 

Well, I would be honored to let you know about a nonprofit that I actually helped start. It's called Makana Leadership Academy, it's at makanaoutreach.org is the website, M -A -K -A -N -A. And it's a residential therapy/ leadership course hybrid. It is so unique. We are doing amazing things and really it's a residential treatment center. So the kids come and stay there. But really what we're doing is we're turning this struggle and this crisis into greatness. We are showing these kids and teaching them how to be leaders. It already they it's just amazing things with the kids that are there and the kids that are coming in. 

Beth Hillman 36:16 

So Makana is not just an intervention but it's a transformation for these kids. Many times kids go through program after program after program and that is not what we are about. We are about teaching them skills and tools in order to turn their crisis into greatness and then being able to move on with their lives either going home or going to college or going to a tech school or whatever it is that they have in their future. We work with them to help decide what amazing things that are out there for them and they they get to be a part of that decision and a part of their growth. And it's just the most amazing thing I've been a part of. And my parent program is a part of this residential treatment center. And it's one of the most amazing things, because we are looking at the family as a unit, which is so important. It's critical. 

Tanya Hale 37:09 

Yeah, Beth I love that you're doing all this. I think that the work that you do with parents and in working with Makana is just spectacular. I love you as a person and I love you as a coach. I know the times that you've coached me have been helpful and I know that that you help a lot of parents in your stuff as well. And I just I can't say enough good about you. I love you desperately, darling. 

Beth Hillman 37:33 

Oh my gosh you are so sweet. Thank you so much. I just am so humbled to be a part of your awesome podcast and really just humbled to be a part of this work and to be being able to help parents and families for sure. 

Tanya Hale 37:46 

That's how I feel about coaching too just humbled to be able to help people figure it out and move into a better space, because I think we're meant to move into better spaces and to figure it out in a healthy way. Not a superficial, like "I'm just ignoring all the problems" way, which I think I did for a lot of years but for me now to really be digging down and working at stuff at the core is brilliant. So I'm so glad that you do this. Okay, my dear friend, thank you so much you. I love you. We'll talk to you later. 

Tanya Hale 38:20 i

Isn't she phenomenal? I absolutely love Beth. She took me kayaking this last summer and it's the first time I've ever been and I fell in love with it. And so she's given me something new to do in my life that I absolutely love. So she and I both got our life coaching certification at the same place, which is the Life Coach School. And so the kinds of content that we teach our clients is very, very similar. So if you love the processes that I work through in managing your minds, but you are in a situation with a struggling teen, she would be a fabulous option for you to work with. So this is how you can reach her. Go to BethHilmanCoaching.com. That's B -E -T -H -H -I -L -L -M -A -N -C -O -A -C -H -I -N -G. BethHilmanCoaching .com. 

Tanya Hale 39:24 

Okay, so this growing up gig is awesome. It is super challenging sometimes as we have these older teenagers, younger ones, even sometimes young adults who start making choices of their own. And we get to work within, their choices move into our circumstance line. So that's where we get to do everything else there. So pretty amazing, love her love coaching. If that's your situation and you would like to work with her, that's how you can find her. And if you have not yet subscribed to this podcast, go ahead and do so. If you're brand new, welcome. And if you love it, share it with somebody else who can use this great information in their lives. K that's gonna do it for me this week. Have an awesome one and I will see you next Monday. Bye. 

Tanya Hale 40:17 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.